Treasured Times
by feeling brave
Summary: A few short stories that link in with the others. I'll put a note in as to where each one goes but I wanted to give everyone the choice as to whether or not they read these parts as they are more involved. Contains pairings, violence and mentions torture.
1. Safety Shattered

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine I just like writing about them.

A/n: I really wasn't sure whether or not to put this up but I chose my name to remind myself that sometimes it's worth taking the chance so here it is. Let me know what you think.

**Safety shattered.**

Part 1 

Sharp pressure in some his more sensitive circuits dragged Jazz out of his brief recharge. He didn't bother to on-line his optics or check his chronometer, his scanners told him that he hadn't been moved, his optics were pretty much useless without his visor anyway and he knew that his captors wouldn't have let him rest for more than a few breems.

Since his capture they had been merciless, he had been interrogated so many times that his processor had lost all track and after the better part of three cycles he knew that his systems couldn't take much more abuse.

The Decepticons had taken turns torturing him for information so as not to leave him any time to recuperate and even though he deactivated his pain receptors he was all too aware of how much damage had been done.

Half a cycle before he had managed to pull himself together for long enough to activate his bond and tell Prowl what had happened and now the sensation in his spark that was his only comfort was stronger which could only mean one thing. Prowl would be with him soon and then he would be safe again.

It had been ten cycles since he had last been with his lover and although he was still within the time he had estimated he would be away he had missed Prowl more than he knew how to say even before he had been made a prisoner.

"_Hold on my Jazz. I'll be with you soon."_ Prowls soothing voice whispered inside his processor and seemed to chase away the fear that had taken up residence there.

"_Hurry."_ He sent back urgently.

"_We're inside the fortress." _Prowl reassured him. _"Only a couple more levels to go. Wheeljack's about to cut the power so be ready."_

"_Who else is with you?"_

"_Brawn and Huffer."_

Jazz grinned.

"Why are you smiling?" The Decepticon who was with him asked sounding suddenly unnerved.

"Because you're about to get what's coming to you." Jazz snarled and right on cue the lights above them exploded and the restraints that held him guttered out. Jazz landed in a crouch before he sprang at the unfortunate mech. He didn't even think as he deactivated him, he didn't even feel angry and when Prowl burst into the room he was still standing over him.

"_Jazz tell me you didn't…?" _Prowl began forcefully but his determination failed him before he finished the question.

"_I didn't." _Jazz answered._ "He's only off-line but he'll feel like slag when he's reactivated."_

Prowl looked relieved. Of all the Autobots Jazz knew only Prowl had any real idea about what he had done in the name of the cause and what he was capable of and although he had never been judgemental about it Jazz knew that he didn't approve. _"You should have left him to us. You're exhausted."_

"Can we get out of here?" Jazz asked aloud as Huffer appeared behind Prowl.

"What happened to you're optics?" The minibot gasped in horror. "Did The Decepticons do that to you?"

"Not these ones." Jazz informed him. "My visor's on the bench behind you if you wouldn't mind."

"My optics aren't what they used to be but it looks like they might work better than yours." Huffer told him as he handed over the blue visor.

"I'm a little sensitive to bright light is all." Jazz said flippantly. "They look worse than they are." With his visor back in place Jazz could finally see rather than have to rely on his scanners and he smiled at the sight of Prowls face. _"Good to see you love."_ He said fondly.

Prowl gave him a brief nod in return before he started issuing orders. "Huffer, Brawn, take point." He ordered. "I want as little trouble as possible. Jazz are you able?"

"For now." Jazz answered. In truth his energon levels were well below what they should have been, Prowl knew that already but he couldn't admit that to the others for the same reason he couldn't tell them that he was blind.

They only encountered two Decepticons on their way out and they made short work of them but the brief fight drained most of Jazz' remaining energy and he was leaning heavily on Prowl by the time they met up with Wheeljack.

"You look like slag." He observed as he pulled Jazz' free arm over his shoulder.

"Good to see you too." Jazz smiled.

"Save your energy Jazz." Prowl ordered. "We've got a long way to go before the shuttle can pick us up."

"How far?"

"A mega-mile or so to be safe. Can you transform?"

"For a while."

"Then let's go. The shuttles will cover us."

Jazz looked up as they left the base to see two shuttles circling the sky above them but the Decepticon defensive systems made it too dangerous for them to land. Summoning all the strength he had left he shifted into his alt-mode and the five of them sped off.

"This'll do it." Prowl told him a while later. "Ironhide's just told me that they've been delayed but they'll be with us soon enough."

Jazz forced himself back into his robotic form and staggered as soon as his feet touched the ground. Prowl catching him wasn't a surprise but the sudden flare of passion through the bond was unexpected. _"Hush now my Jazz."_ His lover told him in a soft tone that seemed completely at odds with the commanding voice that came out of his vocaliser almost in the same moment. "Wheeljack, Brawn, Huffer set up a perimeter. I'm taking no chances."

He hauled Jazz into what was left of an old outpost which was really not much more than a few sheets of metal welded together but it was the best shelter he could see as Huffer started to protest that he was tired too but Prowl paid him no attention what so ever and left it to Wheeljack to send the minibots to their posts.

"I'm sorry Prowl." Jazz whispered as Prowl lowered him to the floor. "I messed up big this time."

"Don't be ridiculous." Prowl scolded him. "You did what you were ordered to do and more from what I've been told. I'm the one who let you go off alone and I shouldn't have."

"I'd only have left anyone you sent with me somewhere else." Jazz smiled.

"I know." Prowl confirmed. "Rest now my Jazz."

"Prowl." Jazz murmured. "I missed you."

"I know that too." Prowl whispered as he lay down beside him. "And I've got to tell you that these last couple of cycles I would have given anything to be with you."

"Anything?" Jazz teased running his fingers down a seam in Prowls armour.

"Everything." Prowl responded sincerely, his optics glowing with pleasure and pulling his lover closer to him.

"You know we shouldn't be doing this, right?" Jazz asked playfully tracing the line of Prowls hip.

"Don't care." Prowl moaned in his audio. "You are all I care about right now." As he spoke Jazz felt Prowls energy field intensify and reach for him, into him, flow across his circuits and cause wonderful sensations within his body. "I love you my Jazz."

Jazz let out a quiet whimper in reply and responded. He knew that his own field wasn't as strong as it usually was because of his exhaustion but they had discovered a long time ago that the energy they shared in moments like these was enough to sustain him for a while and he was determined to give pleasure as well as receive it. "Love you too Prowl.

Prowls gentle touches became more urgent and moved to the section of Jazz' casing that housed his spark causing Jazz to whimper in pure desire. "I need you Prowl."

It was at that moment and without any warning that the walls around them imploded and large, powerful arms encircled each of them and ripped them apart. "What the…?" Jazz barely had time to cry out before the hold on him tightened and the feeling of being crushed overpowered his vocaliser.

"This time." A harsh voice hissed in his audio. "There will be no chance for you to escape." Jazz froze. He had only heard that voice a few times but he knew who it belonged to and exactly how cruel the leader of the Decepticons could be. "No one will save you."

"_Not like this."_ Prowls thoughts broke into his own and forced him to fight down the terror that gripped him. Prowl was a few feet infront of him, struggling valiantly against the mech Jazz knew to be called Soundwave but his efforts were getting him nowhere.

"_Hold on Prowl. I got an idea."_ Slowly he inched his hand toward a small sidearm he kept hidden in a specially constructed cavity in his thigh, thanking Primus as he did so that the Decepticons had never bothered to search him properly and had just bound him up with no way to reach any weapon. _"Do you trust me?"_ He asked over the bond.

"_With all my spark." _Prowl answered without thought.

"_Good. Move your head down as far as you can." _He ordered. For a moment he thought that Prowl was going to question him but after a moments hesitation he started wriggling and hunkered down as far as possible. _"That's enough. Now for Primus' sake don't move."_ Jazz signalled once he was sure he could make the shot, his arm was still trapped as his side but he had always had a fair aim, he refused to think about what could happen if he missed, steeled himself and fired.

Soundwaves optics exploded as the laser hit him in the face, the big mech cried out in pain and released Prowl as his hands instinctively clutched his injuries.

Prowl leapt to his feet, unspaced his own gun and levelled it at a point above Jazz' shoulder. "Let him go or suffer the same fate Megatron." He barked and as he spoke a low hum of shuttle engines reached Jazz' audios. _"Is that what I think it is?"_ Prowl asked him.

"The others are here." Jazz confirmed hoping that the threat of more adversaries would make Megatron retreat but unfortunately he seemed to have other ideas.

"Tell them to back off or this parasite will be terminated." He snarled at Prowl before he straightened up tearing Jazz through what remained of the wall as he did so.

Jazz just had time to see Wheeljack and the minibots had already been incapacitated before the grip on him tightened and he felt his armour begin to crack. He was out of energy and although he couldn't really feel the pain he was aware of it so he summoned up all he could stand and let out a deafening cry before blackness claimed him completely.

It was the distress that filtered through the bond that forced him to on-line again but even before he activated his optics he felt a pressure on his shoulder and heard Prowls voice say. "Don't move."

"_What's happenin'?" _Jazz asked trusting the urgency in Prowls command and not even daring to use his lip components.

"You're in a bad way Jazz. Just recharge and let Ratchet take care of you." Prowl answered aloud.

"_Is everyone okay?"_

"They will be soon enough. Now rest please."

"_Tell me what I missed and I will."_

"Megatron thought that he'd killed you and dropped you. The twins landed all over him and did him a fair bit of damage before he retreated." Prowl informed him flatly.

"And he came slagging close so if you don't off-line yourself right now I'll do it for you." Ratchet snapped.

"_You thought he did too didn't you?"_

"You were so weak. I could barely feel you." Prowl explained.

"_I'm sorry I frightened you."_

"It's alright and you're safe now so please…"

"He's not safe." Ratchet barked. "He needs to recharge and I'm gonna be fixing him for a long time yet so he'd better do as I tell him."

"Ratchet he's not recharging because he's scared." Prowl explained. "He needs to know that everyone's alright…"

"Do you have any idea how close he came to permanent deactivation?" Ratchet yelled.

"He can't be that bad. I'd know if he was in any real pain."

Ratchet growled. "The only reason you can't feel what's been done to him is because he deactivated the systems which is just about the stupidest thing anyone can do. D'you want to know how much pain he should be in?" Ratchets quick hands were too fast for Prowl or Jazz to stop him and a moment later agony lanced through every circuit he had. The last thing Jazz heard before it forced him into stasis was Prowls scream.

His next return to consciousness was slower, his scanners told him that he was in the med-bay and that there was only one other mech present although he could barely see the outline of the medic because his visor was missing. "Ratchet." He called and he was surprised by how weak his voice sounded.

"Right here Jazz. Take it easy." The medic told him as he moved to his side. "And don't waste your energy trying to move because you can't."

"I'd noticed."

"Sorry about that but I've put too much work into you over the last three cycles to have you mess it up."

"Three cycles? Prowl must be going out of his processor."

"He's certainly nearly driven me out of mine." Ratchet growled but there wasn't much malice in his tone. "Prowl has been a friend of mine for a very long time and that is the only reason I haven't kicked his aft yet." He continued with just a hint of a threat.

"What happened to your jaw?"

"How did you see that without your visor?"

"I know what you look like through my scanners well enough to know when something is different." Jazz explained.

Ratchet rubbed the dent in his faceplate. "Your lover hit me after you blacked out. Activating your pain responses was almost as idiotic as you turning them off in the first place and I'm sorry about that but I don't understand why you did it, you're not some new recruit with something to prove, from what I know you're one of the best Special Ops agents on the planet and everyone else must know at least that."

"Have you ever been in love Ratchet?" Jazz asked suddenly.

The C.M.O. glared at him. "That is none of your business." He informed him sternly.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes." Jazz grinned disarmingly. "And I won't ask you anymore questions but it means that you'll understand what I did better. I've ended up in Decepticon hands six times over the vorns, I know exactly how ruthless they can be when it comes to their prisoners but Prowl doesn't and it stays that way. When I left to save the twins I blocked off the bond so that Prowl couldn't follow me so I didn't have to worry the other five times but this time I had to keep it open so that he could use it to find me."

"You were protecting him?" Ratchet whispered.

"And I'd do the same again." Jazz confirmed. "Listen Prowl's on his way down so can we leave it there?"

"You could talk to him about it." Ratchet suggested.

Jazz tried to shake his head before he remembered that he couldn't. "He'd treat me differently even if he didn't mean to and I couldn't stand that. Please don't say anything to him." He pleaded.

"Part of being a medic is keeping the secrets." Ratchet said softly.

"Thank you. Can I have my visor back please?"

The medic handed it to him and Jazz' attention moved to the med-bay door just before Prowl walked through it. He hesitated at the sight of Ratchet and waited for him to nod before he came any further.

"I'll be in my office." Ratchet excused himself and he left.

"How do you feel?" Prowl asked his lover as he reached out and took his hand.

"I'd be better if I could move but Ratchet won't let me. I'm fine, you?"

"Much improved by hearing your voice, Ratchet said that you might not be able to talk because of the strain you put on your vocaliser when you screamed."

"You should know by now that I'll take more than that to shut me up." Jazz grinned.

Another two cycles later Jazz left Ratchets care and the med-bay and followed his bond to find his lover sat at the desk in his quarters. "You busy?" He asked leaning casually against the doorpost.

"Ratchet told me that you'd be getting out today. There's nothing here that can't wait for a cycle. Except me." Prowl answered as he stood up from his desk and crossed the room to embrace his lover. "C'mon in."

Jazz moved a little further in to the room and with the hand that wasn't already running down Prowls back he locked the door. "You know we're acting like a couple of over charged younglings don't you?" he asked with a chuckle as Prowl pulled him towards the berth.

"Does it matter? We've spent long enough living through this war to know that we have to take our pleasures when we can." Prowl replied fiercely and his energy field reached out for Jazz, his lover responded in the same way and moaned contentedly as he felt the sensations of what he and his lover were doing to each other echo and redouble through the bond.

Prowls deft fingers worked their way across his body finding each and every sensitive circuit as they went, the seam on his hip that always caused his back to arch into his lover, the tender point on the back of his neck that made him shiver and nuzzle Prowls faceplate in a silent plea for more and many more that had been discovered in all their vorns together.

Jazz in turn listened to Prowls soft whimpers as they became so wrapped up in each other that it became difficult to tell where one of them ended and the other began and was treasuring every moment of it until Prowls hand traced the almost invisible line between the plates on his chest that could be opened to reveal his spark at which point he froze.

"What's wrong?" Prowl asked softly moving his hand away.

"I'm sorry." Jazz whispered. "It's nothing, just me being silly."

Prowl smiled and continued coaxing his lover into relaxing but Jazz was finding it difficult to give his bonded his full attention and after struggling with himself for a breem or so he let out a frustrated hiss and pulled away to stand up so quickly that Prowl gave a startled yelp before he recovered himself. "Jazz." He said soothingly. "Talk to me?"

"I'm sorry." Jazz repeated. "I can't let my guards down because of what happened last time." His body shook slightly at the confession. "If I'd had my scanners up when we were attacked I could have warned everybody and no one would have been hurt."

"Jazz this is Autobot Headquarters the safest place in Iacon, not a ruin in Decepticon territory. Red Alert has more scanners and sensors running than even you could manage. We're safe here."

"Are you sure? Half the mechs on this base don't even know we're together let alone bonded so how do we know we can trust them? They may not treat us as badly as the Decepticons would but I doubt many of them would approve if they found out that two of their commanders are lovers."

"We agreed that it would be for the best if they didn't know but if you're having second thoughts we can tell them." Prowl soothed.

Jazz shook his head. "It was just an example. What we have is ours and nothing to do with anyone else."

"Do you trust me?" Prowl asked suddenly.

"Yes." Jazz nodded instantly.

"Then believe me when I tell you that nothing here will hurt either of us." Prowl instructed.

All the tension drained out of Jazz as he listened to Prowl speak and realised that he was right. A slow grin spread across his lip components and Prowl smiled back. His bond-mate knew that particular grin well although it was probably the rarest expression that Jazz used. Prowl doubted that anyone else had ever seen that look, it was the look of a preditor and he was the prey.

Jazz' body moved with all the grace of a hunter as he took the few steps back to the berth. "Tell me you love me." He demanded pushing Prowl backwards and down.

"I love you." Prowl responded. "With all my spark I love you."

Jazz straddled him and ran his fingers down Prowls spark casing.

"Mine?" He asked firmly.

"Without question and always yours." Prowl answered weakly and he shuddered as Jazz energy field pushed into his body and laced itself around his spark.

"I need you." Jazz growled releasing the catch that held the compartment closed at the same time he opened his own.

"You have me." Prowl whimpered. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."


	2. No longer lost

Disclaimer: The Transformers aren't mine I just like to write about them.

Authors note: This is how "But when you're lost" wanted to end but it's taken me this long to get it finished and find the confidence to put it up.

**No Longer Lost**

As Sunstreaker started to on-line his systems again his processor raced with everything that had happened in the previous cycle. It all seemed unreal, as if he should still be in the quarters he and Sideswipe shared but the noises were different and he knew he wasn't in Perihex anymore.

_Iacon. _He thought vaguely. _I'm in Iacon, Sideswipe's in the med-bay and we're in slagging Iacon._

"Sunny are you alright?" Bluestreaks gentle voice asked him and he looked down instantly to find the younger mechs worried optics watching him. "Didn't think so. Everything's just hit you in a rush hasn't it?"

"Yes." He answered weakly. "Thank you… for staying with me."

"You shouldn't have even had to ask me but I'm new to this remember? I'll make mistakes now and again but that doesn't mean I don't care. I do, rather a lot as it happens and I'm glad you're here Sunny. Not glad that you've been through all that happened in the last cycle but… why are you smiling at me like that?"

Sunstreaker hadn't actually realised that he was grinning but once he did he knew the reason why. "Because you're babbling just like you always do and it's wonderful."

"Huh?" Bluestreak asked as his optic ridges drew together in confusion. "I mean thanks… I think."

"You've got no idea how refreshing it is to meet someone like you, do you? This whole planet could be going to the smelting pit and you'd still find something to be happy about." He said softly as he gave Bluestreak a sly smile and a gentle squeeze. "You reminded me that all I've wanted for the last few cycles is to me here and now I am."

Bluestreak looked bashful and lowered his optics. "Sunny I…"

"Don't worry Blue." He said softly as he tried to duck down so that they would be on optic level again. "I said that I wouldn't rush you and I have no intention of doing so. It just feels nice being here."

"That's good to know" Bluestreak said hesitantly. "But it wasn't anything like what I was going to say."

"Then what?" Sunstreaker asked encouragingly.

Bluestreak looked more flustered and pulled away slightly. "It's something I've been wanting you to know for the last few cycles. Things are going so well between us…" He trailed off looking worried.

"Blue there's nothing you can tell me that will make me think any less of you."

The younger mech rubbed his faceplate with the hand that wasn't still around Sunstreaker. "It's just…that… I'm not… I haven't… Oh Primus."

"There's no need to get your vocaliser in a twist. Just tell me."

"Here's the thing." Bluestreak said slowly before he continued in a rush. "I've never done this before. I know the mechanics of it but not much else." He finished still sounding nervous but at last he risked a glance at Sunstreaker.

"That doesn't matter." He said reassuringly. "I'll wait 'til you're ready."

"I am ready." Bluestreak said sounding certain for all of a micron before his confidence failed him and he looked shy again as he added. "Could you teach me?"

"My pleasure." Sunstreaker smiled. "And yours too I hope." He added as he ran his fingers delicately down a seem in Bluestreaks plates and watched him wriggle. "But I need two things first if you don't mind? Some energon and the use of your wash racks."

"Done and done." Bluestreak agreed and with a last gentle touch to Sunstreakers faceplate he pushed himself up.

Sunstreaker stretched once and followed him into the main living area where Bluestreak was already pouring out their rations.

They both drank quickly before Sunstreaker headed for the wash rack. He turned the cleaning fluids up as high as he could so that steam filled the room and powerful jets blasted his body.

For the first time he really took notice of the marks and scratches that he had accumulated in the last cycle, the dried energon on his hands that probably belonged to Sideswipe and the dent on his jaw that the Decepticon had given him.

That thought sent a shudder through his body and he leant heavily on the wall to steady himself. He didn't hear the door open again or Bluestreak come in with a couple of driers but he jumped when he spoke. "I thought you might need…" He began before he registered that something was wrong. "Sunny what is it?"

"Just memories that I wish I didn't have." Sunstreaker admitted as he started scrubbing himself down. He was more than a little surprised when Bluestreak stepped up behind him and started washing down his back for him. He gave him a grateful smile over his shoulder and soon found himself relaxing as tender hands ran over his body.

Bluestreak stepped out from under the cleaning fluid first, snatched up the driers and held one out for Sunstreaker. It wasn't long after that when Bluestreaks nervousness returned as Sunstreaker led him back to the berth. "It's okay Blue." He whispered as they lay down together. "All you have to say is stop."

The younger mech nodded slightly and wriggled closer, no longer looking worried and his soft touches grew bolder. "What's next?" He asked softly when they were both comfortable and enjoying themselves.

"Try this." Sunstreaker whispered back, he opened a small panel and brushed his fingers over Bluestreaks uplink ports. The hiss of Bluestreaks intake vents was all he needed to hear. "You like that?"

Bluestreak nodded, his optics wide and glowing with pleasure but he didn't speak right away and when he did it wasn't what Sunstreaker had expected him to say. "Sunny please." He pleaded. "I need you… need to feel you."

A smile lit Sunstreakers face as he powered up his energy field. "Look at me." He whispered firmly. "I need to see your face and try to relax. This may feel a little strange at first." Slowly and as gently as he could he eased his energy field into Bluestreak who whimpered slightly and whispered his name.

"I've got you Blue." Sunstreaker reassured him.

"How do you do that?"

"Just focus." Sunstreaker told him. "It takes a little practise is all."

Almost immediately Bluestreak proved that he was a quick learner but within moments of the energy field touched him it failed. "Sorry."

"It's okay, try again." Sunstreaker encouraged him.

The second attempt was stronger if a little clumsy but as the energy of his lover flowed through his body Sunstreaker couldn't care. "That's wonderful." He whispered.

This seemed to be all Bluestreak needed and the field moved over more of his circuits, caressing each one with deliberate care. Sunstreaker returned the favour and enjoyed the feeling of the other mech trembling against his frame.

"Hold still." Sunstreaker told him after a while. He let up on him just enough so that he could and deftly connected their interface cables that allowed them to experience the sensations the other was feeling as well as their own.

Bluestreak twitched slightly as circuits that had never been used before activated themselves. "Oh Sunny." Bluestreak whimpered. "Please don't stop."

Despite the younger mechs encouragements Sunstreaker kept a tight control over what he allowed him to experience, he could tell that he was close to overloading and wanted his first to be as pleasurable as possible.

"You're amazing." Bluestreak whispered.

"So are you." Sunstreaker returned and he laced his energy field around his lovers spark. Bluestreak bucked against him and followed his lead, driving him closer to overload.

"Don't let me go." Bluestreak pleaded.

"I won't." He promised him giving him a squeeze to back up his words.

"I can't hold on much longer."

"There's no need to fight it Blue. Enjoy it."

It was at that moment that their energy fields fell into sync. "Sunny." Bluestreak cried as his systems were overwhelmed but Sunstreaker couldn't reply, the feelings that bounced and echoed between them were too much for him and all he could do was hold on tight.

Sunstreaker was the first to regain his senses and the first coherent thought that entered his processor was for his lover. "I've got you Blue." He whispered in his lovers audio. "And I know that I shouldn't be saying this so soon but you've given me so much happiness, you've made me feel alive again…"

"What are you trying to say Sunny?" Bluestreak asked him. His vocaliser was still crackling with static but his blue optics were alert and focused on his face.

"That I love you." Sunstreaker responded. He had expected that he would have to force the words from his lip components but they flowed out naturally. A sure sign that they were completely true.

Bluestreak stared at him for a moment before he leant in closer. "I love you too Sunny." He said so quietly that Sunstreaker only just heard him.

"Rest a while Blue." Sunstreaker told him. "I know that you haven't had much recharge in the last cycle."

"Hmm." Bluestreak agreed drowsily before he off-lined his optics and powered down the rest of his systems.

Later that cycle the two mechs headed across the city to Ratchets med-bay. As soon as they walked in the door Sideswipe pounced on his twin. "Thank Primus." He cried. "He wouldn't let me go until someone came to get me, he said that I didn't know the city well enough, that I'd get lost and refused to listen when I told him that I could find you if you were the other side of the planet." He ranted.

"Alright Sides. Cool your engine." Sunstreaker grinned. "Ratchet?"

"I didn't keep him here for decoration." Ratchet snapped. "Get him outta here."

Sideswipe was the first out of the door. "Sides you're going the wrong way." Bluestreak called to him as he and Sunstreaker left the building.

"Don't care." The red twin hollered back.

"What's wrong with him?" Bluestreak asked as they started to catch up.

Sideswipe spun to face them glaring at his twin furiously. "You tell him." He snapped and Bluestreak looked up at his lover expectantly.

"Here's the thing." Sunstreaker began awkwardly. "Twins share a spark. It's kind of like the bond Jazz and Prowl have except that they chose to have it." He smirked with a glance to his brother. "If one of us feels something strongly enough the other does too and what we were doing earlier was pretty intense."

"Oh Primus." Bluestreak gasped as realisation dawned in his optics before he started studying the ground. "You mean he knows what…? Oh Primus."

"Blue." Sunstreaker said calmly as he caught him by the shoulders. "Sides and I have lived with this all our lives. We can deal with it."

"Easy for you to say." Sideswipe muttered. "You weren't the one with nothing else to do."

"Oh come on Sides. It couldn't have been that bad." Sunstreaker chuckled.

"It was worse." Sideswipe snapped indignantly. "Ratchet was starting to look good."

To both the brothers surprise Bluestreak burst out laughing so hard that he had to lean on Sunstreaker for support. Sideswipe looked from the young silver mech to his twin and back again a few times before he also cracked a grin.

"I'm gonna be putting up with this for a while aren't I?" He said gesturing at he the pair of them.

"Hopefully." Sunstreaker nodded.

"Looks that way." Bluestreak agreed between chuckles.

"Fine by me. Blue where's the nearest bar? Sunny you're buying."


	3. Finding you

Disclaimer: The Transformers aren't mine I just like to write about them.

Authors note: Okay this bit is in two parts because the rest of it is in "Getting found" the first part is for Silveriss who wanted to know what Jazz was thinking when he saw Prowl and Bluestreak again (italics are Jazz' thoughts, normal font for the actual scene and I know it's a bizarre way of doing it but I liked how it turned out). The second part picks up where I ended the story because I never really liked leaving it there but I think everyone had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen next. Writing it all in the first person is simply an indulgence for me. I love doing it but the series covers to many parts for it to be practical so I'll just have to settle for this.

**Finding you.**

Part One

_From what I remember of the last Prime I never expected the new one to be an easy mech to talk to but he has surprised me, Sentinel had a powerful presence that usually left me feeling inadequate but Optimus doesn't have that effect on me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna underestimate him, he's clearly built for war and I wouldn't want to face him on the battlefield but at the same time I feel that I can talk to him and relax when he's around. _

"I'm not interrupting am I Prime?" 

_That voice is unmistakable to me and cuts off everything else I was thinking about, I'd known there was a chance that he would be here but I was hoping that something would warn me before he walked through the door. This isn't how I wanted to see him again but it's too late for that now. Primus if you love me at all let this go well._

"Not at all. Come on in." Optimus answers. "Jazz I'd like you to meet our second in command Prowl."

_At any other time being introduced to the mech I love beyond all others would seem absolutely absurd but right now it's all I can do to keep my feet as someone else says my lovers name. I can feel his optics on me without looking at him and I turn to meet his gaze, he's changed a lot since I last saw him, his face-plates are harder somehow, his optics are fierce and commanding. I know that I should speak but I can't seem to form words. He is too close and too far away at the same time, I want to be in his arms, to feel his touch but there's a lot that needs to be said before that can happen._

"Have you met before?" My new commander ventures.

_It's suddenly hard for me not to laugh at The Primes confusion, I feel sorry for him, I know from the hub that this cycle hasn't gone the way he wanted it to and this meeting is only going to make it harder for him._

"You could say that." Snaps Prowl without turning to look away from me.

_His voice is colder than it used to be, there's no trace of the gentleness that was always there when I was with him. Prowl what have you become? Is the mech I fell so deeply in love with still in there somewhere? Or has this war stolen him away? There's so much I want to say to him but I don't know where to start._

"You should have stayed away." Prowl growls. "There is nothing for you in Iacon now."

_I've left it too long! He can't forgive what I've done. No. I can't think like this, my thoughts of him have sustained me through so much and I'm not going to give up on him now. I have to speak, keep calm, wait for the right time and pray that there's still a chance that I can do this right. At least now I know how to start._

"I came because he asked me to." I respond with a gesture towards Prime. "I had no idea that you would be here."

"_Well I thought you might be but I couldn't be sure." I add silently but I need to sound certain and somehow I manage to pull it off._

"Did I ask you a question?" Prowl yells. "No. I didn't and..."

_I can't know for sure what he's going to say but I can't let him say it. I've known since we first met that he could destroy me if he chose to, it's the power he has over me simple as that._

"I'm just trying to explain." I interrupt. 

_Please Prowl, give me one chance and listen to me._

"You can't give me reasons Jazz. You left. Without warning or hesitation and it's been over ten vorns so I think it's rather too late for anything."

_It can't be too late, he has to be wrong, I promised him forever a long time ago and I mean to keep that promise._

"Prowl what's going on?" A timid voice asks.

_Bluestreak. I can't talk again. Thirty vorns ago I found a sparkling in the ruins of a city, with Prowls help I raised him and now I can see his face, he's beautiful, no that's the wrong word but I can't think of another, how do you describe seeing something that has been precious to you for so long for the first time? The first thing that strikes me is how similar he is to Prowl in appearance that must have been his choice and it's clear to me from that just how much he must idolise him. _

"Not now." Prowl orders without turning. "I'll talk to you later."

_I know that Prowl's trying to protect him, my leaving caused them a lot of pain and I can understand that he doesn't want to go back to that._

"I heard shouting was all and Ratchet did say for you to take it easy." Bluestreak says softly. His optics twitched towards me. "Prowl please."

_That's my lil'Blue alright. He's always been able to find exactly the right tone to plead with Prowl when he wants something but I know it won't work this time because Prowl believes without question that he's in the right._

"Later."

Again Bluestreak looks to me. "Jazz?" He whispered softly. "Is that you?"

_If he wasn't stood in the doorway I'd be running. This is too much, my vocaliser won't work and I feel as if the room is too small. I want to fall to my knees and beg them to forgive me but I can't move._

"Get out of here." Prowl bark and the poor mech runs.

"Blue?" _With him gone I can finally say his name but not much more. This isn't me, I'm the calm one usually but this whole situation has me spinning. _

"You stay the pit away from him you sparkling of a glitch. He's doing fine without you and so am I." Prowl snarls.

_I deserved that but he has given me something without meaning to, Blue's doing fine and that helps me pull things back together. Blue's doing fine and maybe, just maybe that's because I was right about Sunstreaker, I can't know but I can hope._

"I'm glad you stayed close." I say calmly.

_Stupid thing to say but I'm still in shock remember which also explains why I never saw the punch coming._

"I'm sorry." I manage to get out as I block another shot.

_I really, really am, I've never wanted to hurt him, never wanted to have to use physical strength against him but he's left me with no choice._

"Don't you dare." Prowl punctuates each word with a strike to my midsection.

_I've got it now. Restrain him and force him to listen. Primus forgive me._

"Not for that." I say humourlessly.

_Before I left I could never have taken Prowl in a fight, he's physically stronger than me and with much more experience but I've learnt a lot since then and the training that has kept me alive for so long kicks in without me even having to think about it._

"For this." I catch him in a headlock and there's nothing he can do because his body is pinned against mine.

_Touching him comes at a price though, it's torture to me because really it's all I want and I want it so desperately but I can't enjoy this, I'm doing all I can to make sure I don't hurt him but I can still feel his hate for me resonating through his frame and I know that if I hold on much longer it'll burn me up._

"That's enough." Prime thunders slamming his fist down so hard that he puts a dent in his new desk. "I will not tolerate brawling between my officers in my office. Ironhide put them in the brig until they cool off."

_Well at least in the brig we'll have some privacy and be able to talk this through. _

I step away from Prowl instantly, keeping my head down and looking rather ashamed of myself but Prowl stands straight and scowls at me as Ironhide leads us out.

_Primus what a slagging mess! Not even officially on duty yet and I'm in the brig. That's gotta be a record if nothing else. I'll be good though, Prowl and I need this time and I'll make sure I use it well, I'll give him a few breems to cool off and collect myself then try again and this time he'll have to listen but once that's done these mechs are going to find out just how good a Special Ops Agent I am._

Part Two

"I've waited too long for you already. I love you Prowl. I need you. Please help me." I'm begging him now because I can't stand to be this close to him anymore. My spark is screaming to be reunited with his and I can't deny that need.

Before the door closes I'm starting to feel like I'm losing myself to him, to his touch, he's all I want, all I've wanted since the first time we met and probably before that.

He's not gentle but I'm not either, that'll come later and I'll look forward to it but this is something else. It's not about interfacing and overloads although both of those are more than pleasant. This is about two sparks that have been kept apart for too long.

Our movements are desperate from the outset, pulling each other closer with enough force to leave shallow dents in our armour. We're not hurting each other, neither of us wants that but we can't fight our needs any longer.

Within a breem both our spark compartments are open, his optics are watching my faceplates intently, it must be difficult for him to adapt to my visor but it's glorious for me to be able to see him again. I savour the sight of him for an astro-second before I remove it and set it down with all the care I can stand to give up before I lean closer.

Our sparks touch and I am overwhelmed just by the feel of him, of his presence within me, the living energy that is the core of our beings merges, sharing data and joining us. My only coherent thought is one I feel echoed by him. _We are whole._

We are barely aware of our physical forms, they don't matter now, all that I am and all that I ever want to be is something far more powerful than either of us. We surrender to it as one and are rewarded with absolute unity and trust. There are no secrets or lies in moments like these. Everything I am is exposed to him just as he is to me but we don't push beyond our feelings for each other.

He's tempted to, I can feel that but the little he knows about Special Ops is enough to stop him.

Our contact is brief and I'm failing before we pull apart, his energy was the only thing sustaining me the whole time and now that need has passed I can't carry on any longer. I'm on my knees suddenly but his arms have me before I fall on my face.

Finally he speaks and I fight to keep my systems on-line long enough to hear him say. "I love you my Jazz." I wouldn't have missed those words for the world.

"Love you too Prowl." I whisper back but that's all I have the strength to do.

On-lining again is an effort but I need to be with him, just to hear his voice and feel him close before I can rest further. "I've waited ten vorns for this moment." I say with a soft smile. We're lying together on my new berth. He must have carried me to it after I shut down and he's been waiting for me since then.

"Me too." He confesses. "I know that you stayed away because you feared how I would react but I forgave you everything the moment you told me why."

"Thank you." I say gratefully. "I needed to hear you say that. I'm sorry I messed up so bad."

"I'm sorry too. I pushed you away because I didn't want you to see what the war was doing to me and there were times when I treated you badly, I didn't mean to but everything was such a mess."

"I know." I tell him.

"Then that's the end of it. We've wasted enough time and we needn't waste anymore."

"Agreed." I nod. "I love you Prowl."

His arms tighten around me. "Say that again." He orders. 

"I love you." I repeat and at the same moment I flood the bond between us with my undiluted feelings for him, he responds exactly as I hoped and all the pure passion and glorious love threatens to overload us both before we can get any further. 

"My Jazz." He whispers softly.

Those words mean everything to me, more than "I love you" or anything else he can say. They mean that I am his and always will be, I can't escape him and I wouldn't want to. I am his and I think I'm only just starting to understand that and realise just how much I love him. 

_How did I manage to live without this for so long?_ The thought dances through my processor but I'm not sure if it's his or mine. As his hands search out the tenderest parts of me and our energy fields blend until neither of us can tell where one of us ends and the other begins I realise just how lost I was without him, how alone but I'm neither of those things now and I pray to Primus that I never will be again.


	4. Finding a reason

Disclaimer: The Transformers aren't mine I just like to write about them.

Authors note: This one takes place a few cycles after the end of "Getting found" where Bluestreak was captured by Decepticons. I didn't really go into details at the time but I think he probably wasn't treated very well so that explains some of his actions during this part. I'm going to warn you now that this does contain mentions of torture in here so if you don't like that sort of thing don't read this.

**Finding a reason**

Once Ratchet finally let Bluestreak out of the med-bay he allowed his lover to lead him back to their quarters. It was still fairly early in the cycle so the few mechs who were up were busy and they didn't see anyone on their way. "I can't stay long Sunny. I'm on duty soon." He said as the door opened.

"No you're not." Sunstreaker said simply. "I spoke to Prowl and Sideswipe's covering you."

"You didn't have to do that. I can manage."

The yellow twin smiled fondly. "I know but I can't. I've had the slag scared out of me twice in the last few cycles and I need to spend some time with you if that's okay?"

"Twice?" Bluestreak asked as his optic ridges drew together in confusion.

"First when I heard that you were missing and second when we were on the shuttle home, I had you in my arms but I could feel you slipping away from me…"

"Sunny you worry too much." He whispered moving closer to the mech he loved. "I'm better now."

"I know." Sunstreaker nodded drawing him into his arms. "And that amazes me, you've come through so much but you've never let it beat you…"

"I've been lucky." Bluestreak interrupted him. "When things have been at their worst someone's always been there to save me. Usually you."

Sunstreaker smiled again and nuzzled his faceplate gently. "That's what I'm here for, to love you and keep you safe and I want to spend the rest of my life doing that." For a moment he hesitated as he studied the look in his lovers optics before he took a long pull on his cooling vents and whispered. "Bond with me Blue?" He asked softly.

Bluestreak froze. "Sunny I…" He began but faltered and fell silent again.

"Please. We both know that we're meant to be together so why fight it? Why keep each other at arms length when we know that we can be so much closer?"

"I can't." Bluestreak whispered. "I'm not ready and you know that." Suddenly he felt as if he was trapped and needed desperately to get away, he struggled and felt the panic rising as Sunstreaker refused to give up.

"Can't see why. We've been together for ten vorns surely that's enough time for you to know that I love you."

"Let me go." He pushed away harder but the yellow mechs arms were more powerful than his were. "Sunny please." He pleaded

The hold on him was released so quickly that he fell backwards and landed heavily on the floor. "Sorry Blue. I just don't understand…" Sunstreaker began as he bent over him intending to help him up but in that moment Bluestreaks optics saw only a mech bigger and stronger than he was reaching for him and anxiety gripped him.

"Stay away from me." He pleaded. His voice trembled as he spoke and he tried to shuffle backwards away from the other mech. "Don't touch me."

Sunstreaker backed off, worry clear in his optics and he was considering calling for Ratchet when the base comms called for his attention. "Primus not now." He growled.

"All warriors report to unit commanders, Decepticons sighted three mega-miles from Iacon." Ironhides gruff voice ordered.

Bluestreak scrambled to his feet and headed for the door. 

"Blue stay here." Sunstreaker said quietly. "No one will think any less of you if you sit this one out."

"I'm still a warrior aren't I?" Bluestreak snapped with no trace of the nervousness he had shown only astro-seconds earlier. "I can handle this."

Cursing quietly Sunstreaker followed him out hoping that Ironhide or Prowl would have the sense to keep him out of this fight. Unfortunately Prowls unit had been training together before the call went out so they had already left by the time Ironhides formed up and their commander barely looked at them in his hurry to catch up.

He was encouraged when he saw how Bluestreak was looking as they headed out, his movements were sure and determined as he walked and he even managed to join in with the chatter between his friends as they transformed and raced to join the skirmish.

As the battle came into sight Bluestreak steeled himself, he could see Jazz and Prowl standing side by side in almost identical stances as they both fired on the seekers that circled the sky above them, the minibots swarming over the Decepticons who had decided not to fight from the air and told himself that this time he would be fine. He wouldn't let his memories distract him again like he had in Uraya and nothing would hurt him.

No one had asked him what had happened during his visit to the city he had once called home, they seemed to think that he needed some time to deal with it before the told them what had been done to him but he thought differently. He didn't need time or understanding, he needed to carry on the fight before he became too afraid of it to go on.

He transformed as he came into range, landing on his feet and bringing up his rifle in the same smooth movement, he'd done the same thing thousands of times and it always amazed him how clear headed he felt when he did it, as if whatever was playing on his processor just stopped existing. That feeling never lasted long and it was nothing compared to the joyful peace he often felt when he was alone with Sunny but it was much easier to find somehow.

An instant later he fired for the first time but he didn't pause to see the result of his action, he'd never been able to watch that, hitting a target was one thing but seeing mechs fall was something else entirely and he hoped to Primus that he never found himself enjoying that.

For a while all there was to him was the next shot and the quiet pride he took because he knew that he wouldn't miss but this wasn't to last. With no warning at all cruel hands gripped his shoulder so hard that he could feel his armour buckling under the pressure.

He couldn't quite twist round far enough to see who it was but that wasn't really necessary, all he had to do was brake the hold and he kicked backwards as hard as he could. "Not again." He muttered with determination. "Never again."

"Silence Autobot." A cold voice demanded as the hold shifted slightly so that strong fingers could reach the more sensitive areas between his armour.

"To the pit with this." Bluestreak snarled and he reversed his rifle so that it was pointing backwards over his shoulder, he had no way to see what he was shooting but at such a close range it was unlikely that he could miss.

He was thrown forward in the same moment he pulled the trigger, his attacker hissed in pain but didn't fall back. Bluestreak flipped himself over in time see the mech come at him again, he'd expected to find himself looking up into a face but there wasn't one just an odd yellow light set in a void.

"What the slag are you?" He gasped him horror but his processor was already coming up with an answer. Jazz had told him about this mech only a few cycles earlier when they had say down to talk about what he had been up to while he was away, he had described the mech as a fiend and his name was Shockwave.

Pain lanced through his body again as a claw-like hand pierced his armour and ripped through circuits beneath, using the butt end of his rifle he battered at the mech above him until a furious snarl and a flash of golden-yellow told him that he was saved. Sunstreakers wrath was brutal and when his twin also joined the fight the Decepticon quickly decided that he was better off running.

Sunstreakers anger died the moment he looked down at Bluestreak and he quickly knelt beside the younger mech. "Ratchet's coming Blue. Don't move."

The medic appeared at his other side a moment later amid a string of curses. He quickly clamped off a couple of leaking fuel lines. "Get him to the med-bay." He ordered. "I'll be with you as soon as I can."

On his last word everything around them exploded, Sunstreaker dived over his lover in an attempt to protect him while Ratchet and Sideswipe were both thrown backwards. The red twin came up shooting in the direction of the blast but Bluestreak couldn't see what at because he was pinned to the ground by the weight of the yellow warrior.

"Sunny?" He asked softly.

A low groan was the only answer he received.

"Sideswipe quit that and help me." Ratchet commanded.

Other mechs were around them by then. Prowl was close to his head and he could hear Jazz' distinctive, melodic voice above him as well as Wheeljacks harsher tones. The weight on his chest was lifted off him suddenly and he looked over to see Sideswipe and Ratchet bent over Sunstreaker.

"Is he…?" He asked weakly.

"He's on-line but only just. Don't you worry Blue Ratchet'll take good care of him." Prowl reassured him.

There was the sound of a transformation and then Wheeljack said. "I can carry Bluestreak back to Iacon."

"I want to stay with Sunny." He protested.

"We know that but 'Jack can't take both of you." Jazz informed him. "C'mon Blue up you get."

Every circuit in his damaged shoulder screamed at him as he was helped as gently as possible into Wheeljacks hold. The short ride back to the base was worse though despite Wheeljacks attempts at comforting him, he didn't really listen and he had nothing to say.

When the door of Wheeljack hold opened again Perceptor was waiting to help him out and he soon found himself lying on a berth with the scientist bent over him, Wheeljack helped until Ratchet pulled in a breem or so later when he turned to assist with unloading Sunstreaker.

Bluestreak tried to push himself up to get a better look but Perceptor was having none of it and forced him back down. Jazz and Prowl walked in together shortly afterwards, Prowl leaning on his bond-mate and limping slightly. He took a seat on the berth next to Bluestreaks and looked down at him. Jazz gave Prowls hand a quick squeeze before he moved to stand next to Bluestreak.

"Sunny's doing fine, the blast he took jarred him pretty badly but Ratchet'll have him as good as new by morning."

"Thank Primus." Bluestreak whispered. "I was so worried, we were… not really arguing but having a disagreement when the call came through and I was terrified that…" He couldn't finish the sentence but the understanding nod from Jazz told him that he didn't have to.

"What were you "not really arguing" about?" Prowl asked quietly.

"Prowl I'm not sure this is the time." Jazz said to his partner.

"Can Sunny hear us?" Bluestreak asked in a whisper.

"No. Ratchet off-lined him for now." Jazz answered.

"He asked me to bond with him." He began nervously. "I told him no and I guess you could say I freaked out on him. I know that I've got no reason to be scared of him, that he'd never hurt me but he's so much stronger than I am and that was all I could think about." By the time he finished he was shaking.

"Best leave him to us for now Perceptor." He heard Prowl advise the scientist before a soothing hand took his. 

"Hush now Blue." Jazz said softly. "You're safe."

He looked up into Jazz' visored face. "I'm sorry." He whimpered. "I just can't seem to get hold of my emotions right now. One breem I'm fine, the next I barely now what I'm doing and it's horrible, I hate it but I can't… where's Prowl going?" He asked as he realised that Prowl had pushed himself off his berth and was limping away from them.

"I asked him to get us some energon, we both need it and I wanted to talk to you alone."

"Why?"

"Because there are some things he's better off not knowing." Jazz explained. "Like what the Decepticons do to their prisoners."

"Jazz they didn't… didn't get the time to… you and the twins saved me before they… oh slag it why can't I finish a sentence?"

"No one likes to even think about being tortured much less talk about it." Jazz offered. "And although I'm very relieved to hear that you weren't, I also know that the threat of it was there, you must have been terrified and that doesn't just go away. It takes time to heal."

"You mean you were…? How did you get through it?"

"By finding a reason to." Jazz said simply. "I'm not going to tell you that it's easy, it's not but it is possible."

"I take it Prowl doesn't know about this?"

"We haven't had the time to talk about such things yet and it's not really a conversation I'm looking forward to."

"I thought bonded 'bots shared everything."

"Only if they want to. Being bonded doesn't mean you give up your rights to keep some things to yourself."

"So what does it mean?" Bluestreak asked curiously.

Jazz smiled at the question before he spoke. "First up I can't speak for everyone, this is just my experience of it okay?"

Bluestreak nodded.

"My bond with Prowl is the most precious thing I have. It means I'm part of him and he's part of me, we can feel what the other is feeling if we choose to share it but the most important part of it to me is that we balance each other out. I can help make him laugh, dance and be spontaneous and in turn I can be serious and think more than half a breem ahead occasionally." 

"Sounds nice." Bluestreak murmured. "You're going to ask me why I don't want to bond Sunny now aren't you?"

"Well I was wondering?"

"Bonded 'bots don't often survive without each other, this is a war and we're warriors, if something happened to me now Sunny would be able to carry on but if we bonded and then I was killed it would probably kill him too and Sideswipe as they're twins and I don't want that."

"Have you told him this?"

"I don't know how to." He admitted. "I've told him that I'm not ready and he's okay with that. If I hadn't panicked when he asked me earlier everything would have been fine but I couldn't help it."

"It's okay Blue." Jazz soothed him. "It's not your fault so don't let it burn you up."

"You're right. Thank you for listening."

"Don't mention it." Jazz smiled warmly. "I may not be your guardian anymore but I'm still your friend, right?"

With some effort Bluestreak pushed himself up. "You and Prowl will always be my guardians." He corrected the older mech with a slight smile of his own. He hugged him as best he could with his uninjured arm and Jazz returned the sign of affection gently as Prowl returned with their energon.

He exchanged a quick look with Jazz that Bluestreak knew well enough to know that they were talking through their bond and settled himself back on the berth so that Wheeljack could take a look at his injured leg.

Sunstreaker on-lined again not long after that and as soon as his own repairs were taken care of Bluestreak moved to the side of his berth. "How do you feel?" He asked cautiously.

"Like I've been spending far too much time in here lately." Sunstreaker answered. "You?"

"I've had better cycles." Bluestreak admitted. "Sunny about earlier…"

"Don't worry about it." Sunstreaker interrupted him. "Asking you seemed like a good idea but if that's not what you want then I accept that and I should have realised how upset you were getting quicker. I'm sorry."

"Please don't be. It wasn't your fault." He said quietly.

"That's enough now Bluestreak." Ratchet informed him. "Sunstreaker needs to recharge and a little rest won't do you any harm either."

"I'll comm you when I get out of here." Sunstreaker assured him and with that Bluestreak left the med-bay and headed back to his own quarters. There was no sign of Sideswipe when he entered the room but he figured that he was probably on duty and settled himself down on his berth to do as Ratchet had instructed.

It was getting late in the cycle when the sound of his door made Bluestreak. "Sunny." He grinned. "I didn't think you'd be out of the med-bay 'til the morning."

"Ratchet got tired of me and let me go early." Sunstreaker informed him but he didn't make any move to enter the room.

"What is it?"

"Nothing for you to worry about." His lover reassured him. "I want you to come with me."

"Okay. Are we going to the rec room?"

"It's a surprise." Sunstreaker smiled as he extended his hand, Bluestreak took it and followed him to wherever it was that they were going.

All of this was unusual behaviour for Sunstreaker. They had been together for vorns and the routine of their relationship was the one thing that they had managed to hold on to through everything and something Bluestreak found comforting.

Sunstreaker took him to one of the many lifts that ran through the base and once they were inside he stood close behind the other mech and covered his optics with his hand. "I don't want you to see where we're going." He whispered in his audio.

The ride seemed to take a long time to Bluestreak but he wasn't sure it that was his imagination or not and he couldn't tell if they were going up or down. Eventually he heard the doors open and Sunstreaker guided him along the corridors until he heard another door open and the hand was pulled away.

"Oh Sunny." He whispered. "It's beautiful."

They were stood on an enclosed balcony in one of the highest towers of the base and the magnificent view of Iacon stretched out below them and the night sky above. Tiny balls of soft light mirrored the stars and provided the illumination, the only furniture was a small table that supported a flask of high-grade and two cups and gentle music played from somewhere.

"How did you do all this?" He asked in amazement.

"You think Sideswipe is the only mech with contacts?" Sunstreaker grinned.

"Should we even be up here?"

"Relax. This place hardly ever gets used. I only found it by accident and I'm willing to bet that I'm the only mech that's been up here in a vorn." He crossed to the table as he spoke and poured them both a cup of energon. "It's okay Blue. No one's gonna interrupt us."

"But why? Why all this?"

Smiling slightly Sunstreaker handed him a cup. "To thank you for putting up with me, to show you that I do think about you and that I love you more than I know how to say."

"You didn't have to do all this though." Bluestreak told him. "You mean the world to me Sunny and that's all I need."

Sunstreaker reached out to him then, touching his jaw in tender with tender fingers and tracing the line of it. "I know." He whispered. "But that doesn't mean I don't love to hear it. I should tell you more often that I love you, we've been together for ten vorns and you've asked for nothing from me in all that time."

"I never needed to. You've given me everything I wanted." His lover interrupted him.

"So have you but it's been a long time since we danced." He smiled as he set down their cups and pulled Bluestreak close to him. "Stop worrying Blue and enjoy." They began to sway in time with the music.

"Okay." Bluestreak relented and with a little more encouragement he started to relax. "We should do this more often." He whispered after a few breems.

"Anytime you like." Sunstreaker promised. "Although I'd rather not do it on the battlefield if you don't mind."

Bluestreak laughed at that. "Deal. I think Ironhide would blow a fuse is we pulled that one."

"In that case it might be worth it." The yellow mech chuckled and he bent his head slightly so that it was resting on Bluestreaks shoulder.

The increased contact was enough to kick Bluestreaks cooling fans up a gear and he couldn't resist running his hands over Sunstreakers bodywork. "You're sure no one else comes up here?" Bluestreak whispered.

"Not as far as I know. Certainly not this time of night." His partner replied. "Why?" He asked with mock innocence.

"Just wanted to be sure." He answered with a grin.

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And I think I'll leave them there as they're happy and I like a happy ending. The next part of my main story will be coming soon. I just wanted to catch up on a few bits first and as the end (I hate getting the end before I get the beginning) of this one has been knocking around for months I figured that it was past time I got it finished. _Feeling Brave._


	5. Remembering why

Disclaimer: The Transformers aren't mine I just like to write about them.

Author's note: Takes place not long before Safety Shattered, which was round about the time 'bots started asking. "Where's Sideswipe?"

Thanks again to the wonderful Daebereth for helping me and for putting up with me for hours while I was trying to work out what this story was called.

**

* * *

****Remembering why.**

Boredom was something Sideswipe had always hated. The idea of doing nothing terrified him - it felt too much like stasis, which he had experienced often enough to know that he really didn't like. The same could be said about recharge, in his opinion, so he did that as little as was possible too, but that meant that he often had to entertain himself, especially when his brother was spending time with his lover.

He didn't hold anything against Sunstreaker and Bluestreak. He was happy that they had found something in each other that kept them whole, but there were times when he envied them a little.

This was one of those times. He knew all too well what was going on in his quarters, thanks to the bond he shared with his twin, and that if he did go to his berth Sunstreaker would probably try to dismantle him. So he'd found himself a comfortable spot in the rec room, which was otherwise empty, and was doing his best to drown out the sensations with some rather good high-grade that he felt his brother owed him.

The whole situation was embarrassing really. He felt like a voyeur and the last thing he wanted to know was what the two mechs were doing to each other.

A loud bang behind him made him jump to his feet with a startled yelp. He had been so busy trying not to think about what was going on, he hadn't noticed someone else come into the room.

Ratchet glared at him. "What?" he demanded.

"You surprised me," Sideswipe admitted. "I thought everyone was in recharge."

"I was, but a patrol came back late and that glitch infested slagger Cliffjumper needed some repairs. I thought I'd grab a ration before I turned in again, but the dispenser's empty."

"Just grab a cup, you can share mine," he said holding the canister up.

"Thank you," Ratchet said, somehow managing to sound grateful and suspicious at the same

"Well, when I say mine I mean Sunny's, but he's busy, and I can replace it later."

"Busy? At this time?" Ratchet queried as he accepted a large measure and downed it instantly. Sideswipe arched an optic ridge and the medic laughed. "It's been so long since I last…" he began then cut himself off.

"You're not the only one," Sideswipe admitted. "And don't forget that Sunny and I are spark-twins."

"That must be frustrating."

"Something like that. Before Sunny met Blue we used to make sure that we had lovers at the same time or we'd just share, but he's made it quite clear that Blue is his, and as much as I like the mech he's not really my type," he offered another shot and the medic nodded eagerly.

"And that would be?" Ratchet prompted.

"A little older, a little wiser…"

Ratchets laughter stopped his list. "You wouldn't know wise if it kicked you in the aft," he chuckled and finished his second glass. "This high-grade is good."

Sideswipe refilled both their cups before he spoke again. "You know Sunny, if it isn't the best he's got no time for it."

"So what attracted him to Bluestreak?" Ratchet asked, not unkindly, but still sounding amused.

"His innocence," Sideswipe answered immediately. "And that's a direct quote from my dear brother. In spite of everything Blue's been put through, he still believes that there is good in the world, and Sunny knew from the start that his reason for being was to protect that hope."

"I'll drink to that," and he did, before helping himself to more at Sideswipes nod.

"From what I've seen, you'll drink to pretty much anything."

"True enough," Ratchet beamed. "Hazard of the job." Sideswipe looked up at him quizzically and Ratchet's coolant vents let out a long blast. "Let's not talk about that."

The red twin shuddered involuntarily at that moment and looked ashamed. "Sorry. Blue and Sunny," he said in explanation.

"Good for them," Ratchet toasted again. "So why don't you find yourself a lover?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Stability is good for Sunny, and it's what Blue needs, but I still think of myself as being too young to be tied down yet. You?"

"Another drawback of being a medic. I don't get the time."

"Weak excuse," Sideswipe sneered.

"You do my job for a few vorns and then tell me that you want a relationship."

"Only if you do mine and that includes holding Sunstreaker back when someone chips his paint-job, making Blue laugh on the cycles when all he wants to do is curl up on his recharge berth and never get up again, distracting Prowl from working so hard that he's in danger of going into stasis, and keeping up with Jazz when he's too hyperactive for anyone else to deal with."

"So that's…" Ratchet realised.

"The reason behind most of the pranks I pull, and why I never spend more than a few cycles on punishment detail or in the brig."

"So what do you get out of this little arrangement?"

"When the job's done I usually get some time to myself and it's usually fun."

"Doesn't sound so bad."

"I'd recommend it to a friend."

"So why aren't you doing something tonight?"

Sideswipe raised his hand and counted off his fingers as he spoke, "Jazz has other ways of distracting Prowl, Ironhide's off-duty, Wheeljack doesn't really need it, Prime's not worth the hassle and…" He stopped on his thumb and grinned at his drinking partner.

"And I'm here." Ratchet finished for him. "What about Jazz?"

"I already told you that he's busy right now and I know he's on duty later. Plus, he's really hard to catch out - too many scanners and he rarely, if ever, lets his guard down."

"So pick something he doesn't scan for."

"Do you know of anything he doesn't pick up?"

"As it happens… yes."

A mischievous grin snuck onto Sideswipe's lip components as he filled their cups again. "Do tell," he prompted.

"Holograms." Ratchet explained. "His visor can pick them up but as there's nothing actually there…"

Sideswipe considered the new information for a moment. "We'd need Hound."

"Not really," Ratchet disagreed. "Just the generators which are small, and pretty easy to hide, although they'd have to be placed in or near something else that has an out-put or he'd detect them. As it happens, Hound asked me to keep his spares in the med-bay just in case, and I currently have two of them."

"You," Sideswipe grinned as he pointed an accusatory digit at his friend. "Have a devious processor."

Ratchet took a moment to help himself from the canister before he replied. "Must be spending too much time with you."

The two mechs talked and drank for a while longer as they made their plans, before heading out. It took slightly longer for the pair to carry out their scheme than they expected because they were both rather over-energised. Some of what they wanted to do required them to work in silence, and Sideswipe in particular struggled with that, especially when Ratchet looked at him seriously and he found that all he wanted to do was laugh.

Eventually their preparations were complete, and they hid themselves behind the energon dispenser that serviced the officers quarters to wait for Jazz' early shift to begin.

They were soon rewarded. As the unfortunate mech stepped into the hall to collect his own and his lover's rations, a holographic seeker zoomed towards him down the corridor. Jazz didn't even hesitate before he pulled out a sidearm and opened fire, but the rounds flashed straight through his target, bounced off a wall and only missed his feet because he sprang out of the way, cursing in surprise as he did so.

At this point both the conspirators lost control of their vocalisers and started laughing.

Jazz spun to face them instantly. "Why you…" words seemed to fail him and he started toward them.

"Jazz isn't really a morning mech is he?" Ratchet observed.

"No," Sideswipe answered. "Run."

Luckily, Ratchet didn't need telling twice and they fled just in time. Their flight took them down into the lower levels of the base, where the medic was sure the generators would mask their energy signatures well enough for them to find somewhere to hide.

Sideswipe was just about to give himself up and face the consequences of his actions when Ratchet caught him by the arm and hauled him unceremoniously into one of the spare parts stores. "This is…" He began to protest.

"Hush!" the C.M.O. commanded and Sideswipe, who knew better than to disobey that particular tone, froze.

"Ya can't hide forever," Jazz' unusually irate tone reminded them from not too far away. "Gonna have to be on duty sooner or later," he taunted them but his voice was getting further away.

Sideswipe relaxed slightly as he realised this, but couldn't really move, because due to the lack of space, he was effectively pinned to the wall by Ratchet. "Do you think it's safe yet?" he whispered.

The medic chuckled. "I doubt we'll ever be safe again after this, but let's give him a few more breems. Hopefully he'll go back to Prowl soon and he'll calm him down."

"Okay," Sideswipe agreed, then he shivered. With the distractions gone, the reason why he'd needed distracting was beginning to play on his processor again. "I can't believe they're still at it," he muttered.

"What?" the medic questioned before he realised the answer. "Oh. I see," he grinned.

"It's not funny," Sideswipe snapped, but his angry tone was spoiled by the shudder what went through his frame as he spoke. "And I don't want to hear another word from you about it, unless you can come up with a really good idea of how to make it stop."

"Well actually, I can think of two, but I'm almost positive Sunstreaker would tear us apart if we activated the warning sirens right now, and putting Red Alert back together after he blows every diode in his processor doesn't appeal to me either."

"You said two," Sideswipe reminded him.

"The other one's easier, but I doubt you'd agree to it," Ratchet watched with growing amusement as realisation dawned in the blue optics only a few inches from his own. "You were saying earlier that it's been a long time."

"But… Ratch… I…but…" Sideswipe stammered.

"The way your gears are turning it wouldn't take long," Ratchet teased.

"How could…? It'd… I…" the red mech blustered again.

"I notice that you're not saying no," the other continued.

"Do you have any idea how frustrating this is?" Sideswipe barked accusingly.

"Some," Ratchet nodded as best he could in the tight space. "But I don't see what the problem is."

Sideswipe's last circuit of restraint snapped at that point, and he heaved against the medic so that in a micron their positions were reversed on the opposite wall. Ratchet didn't put up much of a fight and met his optics calmly. "Say no or say yes," he demanded. "Either way this ends and is forgotten about when we walk out of that door."

For a moment Sideswipe looked as if he'd like to tear himself in two, and play out both possibilities. Then with a long blast of his already over-taxed cooling systems he nodded quickly.

Ratchet shoved him back to his original location, and wasted no time finding Sideswipe's most sensitive circuits with his delicate fingers. Sideswipe managed to bring his hand up to grip the medics jaw, and brought their faces together so that they were almost touching. "Don't you dare hold back on me," he hissed fiercely.

"As you wish." Ratchet replied and as the last syllable passed his lip components his energy field delved into Sideswipe's body.

"Oh Primus," Sideswipe whispered before he reciprocated. He was barely aware of Ratchet's deft connection of their interface ports until the sensation burst into his processor. His body writhed beneath the weight of the other mech as their data streams meshed and then merged. It was all he could do to keep his feet, rather than be washed away by the growing sense of pleasure that flooded into him.

Both mechs lost themselves to the moment of ecstasy that was caused by their energy fields syncing out and cried out as one before they tumbled to the floor, spent but absolutely satisfied by what had just occurred and their vents heaving in unison to cool their systems.

Sideswipe could barely believe what had happened - for him the experience had been doubled as his overload caused a chain reaction within his brother. It had been vorns since they had shared a moment like that, and Sideswipe found himself pitying the 'bots that weren't twins, because none of them would ever feel anything that came close to the joy of it.

Ratchet pushed himself up first and smiled. "I'd best get back to the med-bay."

"Okay," Sideswipe agreed but he was surprised by how disappointed he sounded, and felt.

"Sides," the C.M.O. said in an unusually kind tone. "I'm a medic, it's all I am and all I have time for. You'd never be happy coming second to that and I can't offer you anymore."

"I might be younger than you Ratchet, but I'm not naïve," the red twin snapped. "So don't tell me what I want. Maybe it won't work, but who says we can't have some fun finding out?"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to know that you might never be the first thing someone thinks about?"

"I'm not asking for that. I'm not my brother, who has to be the beginning and the end of all things. I put my life on hold for this war because I'll never know which battle will be the one that I don't come back from, and in doing that I'd forgotten what I was fighting for until now."

"And this enough for you is it? A few moments here and there."

"Better that than a lifetime alone," the red twin spat. "I'm only asking you for a chance."

"Then you'll have it," Ratchet relented. "But this stays between us. The last thing I need is your brother making my life more difficult than it already is."

"Sunny's not that bad," Sideswipe protested. "Granted he's vain, over-protective, bad tempered… okay so maybe he is, but that's not the point. I've never kept anything from him in my life and I'm not sure if I can..." he paused, weighing up what he could gain and how difficult his situation could be before he made his decision. "But I'll try, for you."

"That's all I ask," Ratchet nodded, as he leant up against the wall and pulled his new lover into his arms. "We may have to find somewhere more comfortable to meet though," he muttered before they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

* * *

In his quarters, Sunstreaker lay beside his lover, watching him recharge peacefully. He knew that he should do the same but the last few breems of his time with Bluestreak had taken an unexpected turn, with his twin's energies suddenly surging to match his own. The overload that followed had left him struggling to remember his own name.

It had been vorns since he had last felt that experience and although it had only added to his pleasure, there was one thing that troubled him.

Sideswipe walked in a few breems later and noticing that his brother was still on-line gave him a grin that Sunstreaker could just see in the low-light levels. "That was fun wasn't it? Just like old times," he asked in a whisper so as not to disturb Bluestreak.

"Yeah," Sunstreaker agreed lazily. "Should I even ask who you were with?"

"I'd be happier if you didn't. I need something that's just mine for a while, can you understand that?"

"I don't understand much of what you do," Sunstreaker admitted. "But if that's what you want, I'll stay out of it. Just be careful," his brother warned him.

"Will do," Sideswipe agreed and he settled down to rest.

Recharge didn't come to him instantly, though. He knew that his twin only wanted what was best for him, but Sunstreaker's lack of trust worried him. He knew that there were good reasons why his brother allowed so few of their unit to get close to him - on the plus side Ratchet was one of those few, and hopefully, if things went well Sunstreaker would accept his choice. Sideswipe shrugged to himself at that thought and decided that whatever happened, he was going to enjoy it.


	6. Sounds like Reason

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, I just like to write about them.

Author's note: My thanks go out to Silveriss who got me thinking about how Prowl could recover from his experiences in Decepticon hands, and the wonderful Daebereth for helping me to write it.

Once I'd done Prowls bit I started thinking how much my other couples got through the story too, so now they have a bit each (read the little notes to see where each one fits into Sounds Like Hope) and I got to do a lot of first person writing so I'm happy.

I'd better warn you that this does contain mentions of torture so if that's not what you want to read stop now. I also see interfacing slightly differently to how I've seen other writers describe it but I've left that for Wheeljack to explain because he does it better than I do.

Just a quick reminder because I know I only mentioned it once in the main story, Prowl and the others were only in the brig for a few cycles but Jazz was away on his mission for a long time before that.

**Sounds like Reason**

* * *

Starts in the med-bay just after the repairs from the first battle are finished.

* * *

Finally, for the first time since we got back to Iacon, the med-bay is quiet. Primus, I don't know how Ratchet ever handled the chaos that reigns after a battle. This is why I never wanted to be a medic. But, as an engineer I have the know-how to fix things, and with Ratchet gone his responsibilities have fallen to me, or for want of a more accurate description, on me.

"Wheeljack, are you going to stand there for the rest of the cycle?" Mirage asks me. I realise that I haven't moved since Sunstreaker and Bluestreak left the med-bay three breems earlier. "Or just until your leg gives out on you?"

"Sorry 'Raj," I say as I turn to face him.

"Don't be, I know it's been a pit of a cycle. Just sit down, I must have missed something when I was patching you up on the shuttle, because you're still limping. Let me take a look?"

"Do you even know what you're looking for?" I ask him. I don't want to insult him but Mirage is a spy, and although I can personally attest to him being good with his hands, he's had no medical training.

"You think I don't know your chassis well enough to know what goes where?" he asks with a slight smile. He has me there; in the time we've shared he has made several very detailed studies of my framework and circuitry, although none of them had any scientific reasons.

Behind my facemask I smile as I watch him work his way up my lower leg, his faceplate is intent and his touches tender as always.

"Found it," he announces after a couple of breems. "Hand me those forcipes down, would you?"

I wince as I feel a slight tug. I'm expecting worse but that doesn't come and he hands me a tiny piece of shrapnel barely worth the name.

"It was lodged in one of your servos. Must have been painful but I don't think it's done any real damage."

"I'm not surprised you missed it, I know I would have done." I turn it over in my hands a few times before I hear him say my name again.

"Wheeljack?"

"I was wondering what it used to be," I say. Suddenly, I feel foolish but the smile he gives me is worth it. Mirage is usually a serious mech and it's a rare treat when he relaxes.

He's getting better at letting his guards down, we both are. We'd both been alone for a long time before Jazz' not so subtle hint made me look at Mirage in a new light. I hadn't expected to find anything lasting, in fact doubted that the spy had even looked at me more than once, but it turned out that Jazz was right and although it's still early in our relationship, things are going well.

Who'd have thought that a young, handsome, cultured aristocrat like Mirage could fall for an old engineer from the wrong side of Kaon like myself? I certainly never did, but here I sit as he looks after me, Primus but I never thought I'd get this lucky.

"I know you're too tired to concentrate, but try to stay with me for a while," his dignified but affectionate voice breaks into my thoughts again.

"At least I'm studying _you_ this time," I say fondly as I allow him to pull me upright.

He chuckles softly and leads me out of the med-bay. Once we're in the corridors, it hits me that the last time the base was this quiet only a handful of us had arrived. I'd just blown up my lab for the first time and the silence that reigned after that was the worst I had ever heard, until now.

Everyone lost someone they cared about when the shuttle crashed and it's gonna be a while before the usual noise of the base returns. I guess up until now we've been fortunate, but that's also half the problem - we'd convinced ourselves that we were safe, let our guards down and became more than just a bunch of mechs to each other. I should have known better; this isn't the first time that I've had 'bots I care for ripped away from me.

This is war and deactivation is much more common than it used to be. When I came here, I promised myself that I'd keep to myself, do my job and nothing more. But it's never that easy. If you spend vorns seeing the same 'bots every cycle, it's inevitable that some of them will work their way into your spark.

And then there's Mirage. I could have carried on without his companionship, but I have no doubt it would have been much harder. Frag, what a mess.

My quarters aren't far, but I'm stumbling by the time we reach them. My leg feels much better but I simply can't fight my exhaustion much longer. Fortunately, I can still recall my pass-code and before we can step inside I'm wondering whether it's too soon to give it to Mirage. I don't have time to make the decision before he helps me to lie down on my berth.

For the first time, he doesn't ask if he can stay or start mapping out my sensors as he usually does. He just lies down with me, drapes his arm across my chest-plate and rests his head on my shoulder.

His engine slows quickly and almost immediately he's in recharge, giving me the chance to admire him for a little while. I can't help it, it's not like it's my fault he's easy on the optics or that I can't power-down my systems instantly like he can, even when I'm too drained to think straight.

I can't help but run a gentle hand over the smooth plates of his armour. Don't get me wrong, I don't like him just for his looks, Primus I'd still be with him if he was ugly, but it's an added bonus when a mech is intelligent, quick witted (his sense of humour is a little dry but it is there) and caring too.

As I lie with him, it occurs to me that the last cycle would have been horrendous without him. The battle, the shuttle crash, and the med-bay have all taken their toll, the loss of my friends hurts like the pit, but the pain is bearable because of him.

I'm surprised by this thought. Mirage was probably still a youngling the last time I was in a relationship and when I lost her I didn't think I could ever stand the thought of another lover. But here I am, almost recharging in his arms and wondering if this might be love.

* * *

Set in Sunstreaker and Bluestreak's quarters later the same night.

* * *

At Bluestreak's first movements I'm back on-line, frag it, I only just got him to power-down. But then, I wasn't expecting him to get a full rest cycle. His processor doesn't always shutdown properly and starts playing back some of the horrors he has survived, leaving him trapped in his own C.P.U. and petrified.

"Easy Blue, I've got you," I whisper as I pull him closer to me and his optics meet mine before he sinks into my arms, clinging to me as he attempts to regain control of his systems. Usually he'll settle down after a breem or two, but not tonight. He's fighting valiantly as I do my best to soothe him, but he's not pulling through it.

"D'you want me to get 'Jack?" Sideswipe asks from his berth. He's as used to this as I am and knows the routine of it well enough to know that this isn't right.

"I think you'd better," I say softly so as not to startle my partner, who starts to shake in my arms. He's probably trying to protest that this isn't worth bothering Wheeljack with, but I can't allow him to suffer. "Hurry," I tell my brother before he slips out of the room.

From the corridor I hear the sound of his transformation sequence, followed by the roar of his engine until it's too far away and then it's just Blue and I. All I can do is watch him and hope that my brother isn't gone long.

I hate seeing Bluestreak like this, it's one of few things that actually scares me. Primus knows I'd do anything to keep him safe but it's hard to protect him from himself.

By the time Sides comes back with Wheeljack, Blue's in a state. His cooling systems aren't working and he's too hot, which makes it harder for me to keep him close because I don't want to make things worse. He doesn't even react as they come in, so I doubt he's aware of what's going on around him.

"How is he?" Wheeljack asks immediately.

"Over heated and terrified," I answer as calmly as I can. I know he's just being polite but I've never been very good at that.

"I brought some coolant packs with me, they'll help but we need to treat the cause of this too," he says as he starts arranging the packs around Blue. "I've read his file and it's not surprising that he has trouble dealing with some…"

"He's not weak," I interrupt.

"I didn't say that, did I?" Wheeljack snaps back. "If his notes told me anything, it was that he's a lot more resilient than I thought he was. But that doesn't change the fact that somewhere in his programming is a glitch. The problem we have is that it's intermittent, most of the time he's fine but once in a while…"

"This happens," I finish for him, "So what do we do?"

"I'm not trained for psychological treatment, but Smokescreen is. I think we should call him down."

"Blue can't even talk," I point out angrily, "How on Cybertron can Smokescreen do anything?"

"It's become a little outdated but interfacing can be…"

I'm doing my best to stay calm for Blue's sake, but I can't hide my fury at his suggestion and Wheeljack wisely changes tactics with me instead of pushing ahead. At least half his processor is still functional.

"How old are you Sunstreaker?"

"Fifty eight vorns," I answer, although I am surprised and confused by this question.

"And Bluestreak?"

"Around fifty two, but no one knows exactly."

"Primus, I knew the three of you were young but… never mind, it explains a lot though. You see when the hubs were installed about a hundred vorns ago, interfacing became much more personal and more about pleasure than anything else, but really it's just data transfer. It's what you share that makes it enjoyable, not the action itself."

"But you'd still be forcing him," I hiss, "He wouldn't understand."

"It would probably be unpleasant for him at first, but the reasons would be explained to him as soon as the connection is made and he would be given a choice as to whether or not it would continue."

"Maybe you should think about it Sunny," Sideswipe chips in. He's been standing in the corner looking awkward since he came back and I know that he's only stayed to make sure I don't lose my temper with Wheeljack. "It's not like interfacing is invasive, his guards would still be up, the link itself won't hurt him, and Smokescreen isn't going to use it to harm him."

Wheeljack nods, "It's just a connection Sunstreaker, just a tool."

"That's not how Blue'll see it though," I point out, "Interfacing is a very private thing to him, he's only ever done it with one 'bot and if someone else tried it with him… well let's just say he'd react badly and he's in a bad way as it is."

As I speak, I can see Wheeljacks optics widening in surprise. Maybe it's because it's not really like me to talk so openly, but it's probably because he can't comprehend how Bluestreak could have had only one partner. Frag, if interfacing used to be as common as he says it was, he's probably lost count of how many 'bots he's been with. But then, when he was our age, bonding was still common. I guess the war put an end to that and 'bots like us had to find a new way to bring pleasure into our lives.

"You mean to tell me that Bluestreak has only ever interfaced with you?" Wheeljack says slowly. Looks like I was right about one thing anyway.

"He was only a youngling when we met him," Sideswipe explains. Primus, I could hit him sometimes, Wheeljack doesn't need to know that.

"But then, so were we," my brother continues. I think he's trying to smooth things over, he knows how I'm feeling through the bond and that the last thing we need tonight is for me to lose control of my temper. "Blue had a rather more sheltered life than we did though."

That's probably the understatement of the vorn. I can't blame Jazz and Prowl for trying to protect him, it's what I've been trying to do since we met too and it's what he needs, but they certainly didn't make things easy for me when we first got together.

Wheeljack seems to consider everything for a moment before he speaks again, "So what do you suggest?"

"I could do it,"

I can see the surprise in his optics, it's the same look he gave me earlier when he realised that I'd not only put Bluestreak into a stasis lock, but done it right, so that he wouldn't feel like slag when he came back on-line. "There are risks Sunstreaker," he warns me, "Blue's processor isn't acting like it usually does, so there's a chance it won't recognise you and it'll try to defend itself."

"That's a chance I'm prepared to take," I say, I can feel Sideswipe's worry for me through our bond and I turn my attention to him. "I love him Sides, I have to try."

He gives me an understanding nod, "Be careful," he says warmly. "I won't go far and if I feel him attacking you, I'll do what I can."

"Thanks," I whisper. I hope he understands just how grateful I am to him but it's just not in my nature to say more than that.

Sides and Wheeljack leave the room together but I don't watch them go, as my full attention is already back on Bluestreak. So far as I can tell, his condition hasn't changed. At least he's cooler than he was and I can pull him into my arms properly without worrying about him overheating.

I cycle my own coolant systems once, then connect my interface cable to my lover. It feels weird doing it like this. I've never just linked to someone without at least some encouragement first, or done it for any other reason than enjoyment.

Almost instantly, his guards are trying to block me. I could try to break through them, but to be honest I wouldn't know where to start and I know that would only make things worse. _"Blue it's me,"_ I tell him softly, _"I'm trying to help you, will you let me?"_

He relents but doesn't say anything and I don't think he can right now, his entire processor is taken up by one thought, or maybe it's a memory I don't know. The first thing that hits me is the loneliness, followed by the heat and the fear. But it's the isolation that gets me, I've never felt alone in my whole life because I've always had Sideswipe, I don't think I've ever been so grateful for our bond.

"_What is this?"_ I ask him gently. I'm not really expecting an answer, but it's worth a shot, and to my surprise he does react, although all he manages to give me is one word.

_"Home."_

"_Home?"_ I'm confused, and wishing that Blue could revert to his usual talkative self. How can this feel like home? He's been loved and protected all his life, Primus but this heat is making it hard to concentrate, even with Wheeljacks coolant packs he's still burning… burning, that's it! This isn't any home he's ever known, but the one he can't remember, this is his only memory of Uraya.

Suddenly it all makes sense. Slag, if this was my first memory it'd haunt me too. It's no secret that Blue hates being alone, he panics, his vents stall, he starts to overheat, something in his databanks makes the connection to this and everything goes to the smelting pit.

"_Bluestreak, you're not alone anymore, your home is with me,"_ I tell him and at the same time I lower my own defences so that he can feel everything I do, _"I love you Blue, always have, always will."_ I summon up the image of a glyph, the same one I had engraved into my chest for him and draw it onto the darkness that is all he can see.

It's a simple thing but it helps and I can feel him stirring, trying to get out. _"That's right Blue, fight it,"_ I encourage him. I pull away from the link slightly so I can look at him. "Come back to me, I need you here Blue," I whisper and finally his optics focus on my face.

"Sunny?" he asks faintly.

"That's right," I smile.

"I'm sorry, everything got too much for me and I got lost…"

Primus it's good to hear him speak again, but there's no need for him to apologise, "Hush now Blue, there's no need to worry," I assure him, "You're not alone in this and if you want, I can make it so that you never feel alone again."

"No," he whispers. Why he's always refused to bond with me has never made any sense to me and this time I have an advantage - through the connection I can make out one thought, it's carefully hidden away behind a mass of others but I manage to catch one word, _twins._

I quickly remove the interface cable before he feels the anger that starts to well up inside me. "You're scared that if something happens to you it'll kill me and Sideswipe too," I say flatly, "Frag it Blue, why didn't you just tell me that vorns ago?"

"I never worked out how to," he whispers, he looks up at me with those big, blue optics of his and I think I'm going to melt. No one can stay angry with Blue when he does that, and the sneaky little glitch knows it. Primus, if I didn't love him so much it'd be maddening.

"There's no changing your mind on this one, is there?" I ask him and he shakes his head. "Didn't think so."

"I love you Sunny, but I won't risk both of your lives," he tells me.

"Love you too Blue. C'mon let's go tell Sides and Jack that you're okay and then maybe we can get some recharge in."

He nods and we leave the room to find my brother. I notice that Blue's walking closer to me than he usually does. He won't let go of my hand and looks like he might bolt back to our quarters any moment, but he's doing the best he can. I smile at him encouragingly, he doesn't speak but squares his shoulders slightly and tries to look a little calmer.

He's still scared, but the thing with Blue is that he doesn't run from things he's afraid of. If he did that, he never would have become a soldier, or given me the chance to love him. So what if he needs help sometimes? That's what I'm for.

As we walk down the corridor together I realise that he's not the only one who feels better. Tonight I found out that the mech I love has been trying to protect me too and it's been a long time since someone did that.

That's the difference between Blue and every other mech on this base. They see me as Sunstreaker, a front-line warrior, a killer, a mean and arrogant mech who doesn't give a frag, but to him I'm Sunny, his lover, the one who'll do anything to keep him safe and it feels good to know that he's willing to do the same for me.

* * *

Begins in the rec room after everyone is rescued.

* * *

As we stand listening to Prime's speech, it's all I can do to keep my hands still. I'm not a nervous 'bot by any standard, but there are some things I really don't want to think about right now, or ever again, if I have my way.

I don't want to be here, I want to be alone with Jazz. Although we haven't spoken a word about it, I know he understands what it's like to feel helpless, to have your freedom and dignity stolen away…

"_Easy now my love,"_ his soothing voice clears my processor as he uses our bond to calm me. As a rule, we keep out of each other's thoughts - we each have our own lives and function as individuals, but this is not an average cycle, and I'm not as in-control of my emotions as I usually am.

He's been doing all he can to keep me whole since we were reunited. It's a difficult thing to do but if there's a trick to learn anywhere, Jazz'll pick it up. He's incredible like that and it's one of the many reasons why I love him.

"_Love you too Prowl,"_ he says through the bond, _"Just a little longer. Are you ready?"_

We both have a few words to say in the proceedings, for whatever we've suffered, we are still Prime's officers and we have to do our duty before we can be alone.

As Prime finishes what he has to say, Ironhide takes a step forward. "To those fallen," he toasts, raising his cup high.

I don't hesitate before I move to join him. I may not want to do this but the sooner it's over, the sooner I can get away. "To those missed," I add.

"To those remembered," Jazz announces as he moves up beside me again.

Prime retakes his position between Ironhide and myself. "Until all are one."

"Until all are one," the assembled crowd echoes and as one we all drink.

"As you were," Prime dismisses us before he turns to leave.

It's done and I can't wait to get out of this room. Ironhide moves to join the crowd, while Jazz and I follow our commander.

"Aren't you staying for the party?" Ratchet asks as we pass him.

"Elita One is arriving soon," Optimus answered. "I'm going to the docks to meet her, but I'll be back."

"Surely that doesn't take all three of you?" the medic asks with a sly smile.

Internally, I'm screaming at him to get out of the way but Jazz takes control of my emotions again effortlessly. _"Won't be long now,"_ his voice whispers through my spark.

"Prowl and I have some time to make up for," he grins. "We'll rejoin you in a while."

With my hand in his, he leads me away from the crowded room and through the corridors to our quarters. All the way there, he's comforting me and I can't help but wonder how he's managing to do it.

"_I'd do anything for you,"_ he says honestly. I know that it's true, it's practically impossible to lie through the bond anyway, but more important to me is the fact that he loves me beyond everything else and I trust him.

A breem later, as Jazz locks the door to our quarters, I lean against a wall to steady myself. _"I thought was never going to end,"_ I admit, using our bond because I don't trust myself to speak evenly. _"Those mechs are my friends, but I could barely look them in the optics."_

"_You're being too hard on yourself,"_ my lover responds softly. _"It doesn't matter how you get through times like this, so long as you do."_

"_How do you do it?"_ I ask, _"I know you've been here too, even if you do hide it, but it's never stopped you walking around here as if nothing's wrong."_

"The thing you have to remember is none of what happened back there was your fault," Jazz says with conviction. "I know you fought them with all you had, that you told them nothing and there's no shame in doing what you have to do to survive. That takes a lot of courage and you came back, which is the important thing, right?"

"_You shouldn't have hidden what you went through from me," _I hiss, suddenly I'm angry with him or maybe at myself, it's hard to tell right now, _"I could have been better prepared…"_

"Don't ever think like that," he warns me. "Nothing I could have said or done would ever have made you ready. I would have felt like I was torturing you and I could never have done that. I've done everything I could to protect you and my only regret is that I failed. My place has always been at your side, but when you needed me I wasn't there."

"_You had your duties, I had mine. You can't take the blame for what happened_._"_

"Then you can't either."

He's right about everything and I know it. This is the mech who gave me the hope I needed to survive that pit of a place; I should be thanking him for saving me, not accusing him of making things worse. _"I'm sorry,"_ I apologise meekly, "_I had no right to say what I did. I just can't control how I'm feeling right now, I know that it's over but I can't convince myself that I'm safe."_

"Then let me try," he says, as if it could be that simple. "It's worth a shot."

Slowly, he takes a step forward and I realise that he's gauging my reactions, trying to figure out what will make me feel better and which actions will cause problems. _"I know it's you Jazz,"_ I point out as I slide into my lover's arms.

Through my spark, I can feel him searching through my memory files until he finds the one I've been trying to hide away from. I shudder as he opens it- I can't go though all that again, can't let him see what they did to me, can't feel his horror or bear to feel him pull away in revulsion.

To my amazement he doesn't and the emotions he allows me to feel are strictly confined to his concern and love for me. "None of this was your fault," he reassures me.

The final part of the file is the last time I was in the interrogation rooms and again I expect him to turn away, because that's what I want to do. Instead, his consciousness moves purposefully through my memory again, taking me to the last time we interfaced before he left for his mission. "What I did with you here and what they did to you is not the same," he says calmly. "We share our feelings because we love each other with all that we have, but they were trying to hurt you and take information, do you understand that?"

"_Yes," _I whisper. There's no comparison really. We've had our share of arguments and problems over the vorns, they're part of any relationship, but even when things were at their worst, I never stopped loving him.

"Neither did I," he assures me. "I've been yours and you've been mine since the night we first met and nothing is ever going to change that."

For a while we just stand together, he drifts with me through the times we've shared and I treasure. Occasionally he'll stop me to show me his side of an event or to tell me he loves me. I realise after a while that after tonight, this moment will join the ones we're looking through, and become another reason why I love him.

Jazz hums softly as we do this, and after a few breems he starts to sing, but I'm sure that he's so caught up in his actions that he doesn't even realise what he's doing. I love his voice and have done since the first time I heard him.

_"I haven't heard you sing in vorns,"_ I whisper into his spark. _"Please don't stop."_

"_It's been a long time since you needed to hear it,"_ he sends back without pausing in his song.

"_I stopped listening to music when you left me," _I admit,_ "and by the time you came back…well neither of us were the same mechs we were. The cycles when I'd stand watching you on stage and not be able to believe that you were mine were gone, the logic systems I'd had installed told me the reasons why you loved me and I never thought to question them."_

_"It wasn't just you," _my lover says understandingly, _"and I don't blame you for what you did either. We were so young when we bonded, so naive and if we'd stayed that way, the war would have killed us both. But I do miss those times. You laughed more then and never had any idea of just how wonderful that sound was."_

_"I used to come home from work and find you dancing in our living quarters,"_ I tell him and we both smile at the memory. _"You'd spin me round and we'd spend the rest of the night like that. I don't think I ever told you how much I loved dancing with you."_

"_I knew though,"_ he reassured me._ "You could protest all you liked but I could see it in your optics, and after we bonded I could feel it. Just like I can now."_

Neither of us can recall when we started to sway to the rhythm of his voice, or began to trace the lines of each other's armour with loving hands.

"You know where dancing usually led us," I tease suggestively, Jazz has soothed me enough for me to trust my vocaliser again, and with my worries all but gone, I can't help but think of how long it's been since we were last together.

"_Why d'you think I did it?"_ Jazz shoots right back with a lecherous grin._ "You knew when you bonded me that I was a long way off innocent."_

I pinch a cable the makes Jazz' vocaliser go up an octave but he doesn't miss a beat. He can't, he wrote this particular melody for me not long after we had bonded, and it means more to both of us than any words he can say.

"Take the visor off for me?" I request as he finishes. I hope that I don't sound foolish but I can't help wanting to see his optics. They're beautiful even if they don't work and after all we've shared tonight, it feels right.

He does as I ask without hesitation, and leads me over to our berth, in that brief moment what I can feel from him changes. His love for me intensifies to the point that it drowns out everything else, his hands begin to map out every sensor I have and all the other places where he knows I like to be touched. It's not long before he is the only thing I'm aware of and I don't want to be anything but his.

My logic circuits and battle computer are the first things to be overridden by my need for him. In a way they make me who I am, but when I'm like this with him they are obsolete, he is my reason and all I need to know. With them gone I'm more vulnerable than at any other time, but I know he will keep me safe.

Before I even think about moving my hands to the panel that covers his spark, he opens it for me, and I do the same. We both need this. Our sparks touch and for the first time in what feels like an age I feel complete, it's not long before the energy and feelings passing between us sweeps away all thought and nothing else matters.

Satisfied and content we pull apart slightly, and once again he is in my memory banks, searching for, and soon finding, the night we bonded, bringing it together with his own experience of that time. With the memory comes a message straight from his spark to mine._ "I didn't think it would be possible, but you mean more to me now than you did then."_

My control is gone and all I can do is hold on to him as the pleasure of it flares through every circuit in my body.

When I can focus my optics again, I realise that he is grinning down at me, "More?" he asks in a sultry voice.

"_Not for me," _I send through the bond, as my vocaliser hasn't quite recovered yet. _"But I have this for you,"_ I summon up the memory of the morning after our bonding, the sensation of on-lining with him in my arms and the sheer wonder of knowing that the beautiful, wonderful mech beside me is mine. "I love you my Jazz," I whisper in his audio.

I know just how sensitive his audio receptors are and that hearing those words is the perfect way to send him over the edge. He clings to me as he overloads, he calls my name and pulls me with him, for a while everything we are is surrendered to each other.

After that we lie together, one of his hands running softly over my cheek as I gaze into his optics.

"Recharge a while," I tell him when I can speak again. "You're exhausted."

"Not yet," he replies, "We still have things to do."

With slight reluctance, I agree with him. The party will be in full flow by now and we are expected to be there. I'm about to bring my battle computer back on-line when he stops me.

"Leave it off for tonight. You need to enjoy this as much as the rest of us do."

"Do you think it's safe?" I ask him.

"I'll make sure it is," he assures me.

We stand up and I hand him his visor. "You'll need this if you want to see me make a fool of myself on the dance floor," I smile at him.

"I taught you better than that," he assures me.

We leave our quarters, hand and hand and grinning at each other like overcharged younglings.

By the time we enter the turbo-lift back up to the rec room we can already hear the music and over the bond I can feel it calling out to him. His feet tap out the rhythm as we rise though the base and when we start walking again his movements are only half a step away from starting to dance.

Just for tonight, we will allow ourselves to relax completely. He will be the confident, carefree mech I first fell in love with, I will be the 'bot who truly cannot believe his luck, and everything else can wait.

* * *

And finally back at the twins quarters after the party.

* * *

The sounds of screams I can do nothing to heal haunt me. I am Chief Medical Officer to Optimus Prime, I should be able to do something, but the bars of cell hold me back. All I can do was call out to them in the hope that it will offer some comfort, I'm not even sure if anyone hears me and the sheer helplessness I feel grips me to the point where I can't stop shaking… wait I'm not shaking, I'm being shaken and Sideswipes voice is calling to me.

I power up my systems to find the red twin holding my shoulders and telling me to come out of recharge. It takes a moment for me to realise that I'm in the twin's quarters, and when he realises that I'm on-line he pulls me into a tight hug that I can't even try to escape, until I've got my stalling intakes under control.

As my systems begin to return to normal I realise that it's not just Sideswipe who's with me. Another pair of hands are rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles and a third is resting gently on my shoulders.

I look up to see Sunstreaker standing over me with an uncharacteristically sympathetic expression on his faceplate, then round to find Bluestreak sitting on the edge of the berth. "It's alright Ratchet," the young gunner says warmly, "We're here."

"You were yelling in your recharge," Sunstreaker informs me. "But it's over now and nothing here will hurt you."

"And everyone else is safe too," Sideswipe adds.

"Not everyone," I whisper. "Two mechs died in that pit and I couldn't do anything."

"No you couldn't, you were in a cage too." Sunstreaker says firmly.

Leave it to Sunstreaker to point that out. The mech doesn't take much nonsense from anyone except Blue, and the smelting pit itself will freeze over before anyone accuses Sunstreaker of being nice, but then most mechs say the same about me.

"That's why you went straight back to work, isn't it?" Bluestreak asks but he doesn't give me time to answer. "Because you didn't want to stop and think."

Not everyone gets Blue, he talks too much for them to really think about him, keeps them distracted by his chatter so that they don't realise just how observant he is. Most of them don't think about the fact that Jazz and Prowl raised Blue, and they taught him well.

"And I've kept you pretty busy since then, so what you've been through is only just catching up with you," Sideswipe finishes.

I'm slightly surprised to realise that they're all right, frag, who'd have thought that three young mechs like these could be so understanding? But then, not one of them has led an easy life, they've all seen the horrors that war causes. Maybe it's time for me to stop seeing them as the younglings they were when we first met. All three of them have been fighting this war for as long as I have really. At least I can remember what it was like to have peace.

I relax into my lover's embrace, and allow the other two to continue soothing me until I'm calm again. Unsurprisingly, Sunstreaker is the first to break contact, but he doesn't step away, instead takes a seat next to Bluestreak and waits for me to speak. I'm not sure what he wants me to say but it seems appropriate to apologise first.

"I'm sorry I disturbed all of you," I say quietly.

"Don't worry about it," Bluestreak responds instantly. "Everyone has trouble recharging sometimes." As he speaks I notice that one of his hands has moved to Sunstreaker's and he gives it a slight squeeze.

"Yeah, what he said, it's not a problem," he mumbles.

I know that's as much as I'm going to get out of Sunstreaker, but it's enough to let me know that he doesn't mind me being here, and that he's starting to understand that the relationship I have with his brother is good for both of us.

As I push myself into a more upright position, I catch the twins sharing a quick glance and I can't help but wish I knew what they are thinking. I remember Sides telling me once that unlike Jazz and Prowl, they can't talk to each other through their bond, just share feelings, but what if he lied to me or they've learned how to do it? They could be talking about me and I won't even know it... slag I'm thinking like Red Alert, does it really matter? There's frag all I can do about it anyway.

And to think that when Sideswipe and I started out I was worried that he wouldn't be able to accept coming second to my work. I never thought about what loving a twin might really mean. Their bond will mean that it doesn't matter how close I get to Sideswipe, Sunstreaker will always be closer. Primus, I should have seen that one coming.

Bluestreak gives me an understanding nod, he must have gone through some of what I'm thinking now during his time with Sunstreaker, I wonder how he deals with it? Maybe I'll ask him sometime, but not tonight, we all still need to recharge and conversations with Bluestreak are rarely short.

While I've been thinking, Sideswipe has moved so that his head is now resting on my shoulder. I look at him and he gives me a contented smile, so I guess he's happy with the way things turned out and I should be too.

"I think we better leave them to it," Sunstreaker says, he stands up and pulls Bluestreak with him.

"Thank you," I say to both of them as they head back to their own berth.

"Don't mention it," Sunstreaker smiles over his shoulder.

As Sideswipe and I lie back down, he pulls me close to him and whispers, "It'll be alright now, we're watching over you," before his systems start to power down again.

I believe him. The last few breems have given me a lot to think about but I know one thing without question - I'm never going to be lonely again. Whatever happens, I'm going to have three mechs watching my back and keeping me away from harm. It's going to be infuriating at times, but they mean well, so I'll just have to get used to it.


	7. Worth the Cost

Disclaimer: I don't own the Transformers, I just like to write about them.

Author's note: If you've already read The Price We Pay then you know how this ends, if not you may want to read that first but this is show that I did put some thought into Sunstreakers recovery, rather than him just being suddenly better than anything else but it was fun to write. The reason why it didn't end up in The Price We Pay is because it does contain interfacing, although it's not really of a sexual nature, as I hope I've managed to explain before I see interfacing is a simple and effective method of data transfer, it's what is transferred that can make it pleasant for them. Thanks again to Daebereth for betaing. Enjoy.

**Worth the Cost**

The door hissed closed behind Bluestreak and the young mech looked at his lover. It was the first time he had seen Sunstreaker since he and Sideswipe had locked him in the isolation room and the gunner had to admit that he was nervous. But, he was also determined. Prime's announcement had forced him to think some things over. He knew that changes were coming and there were some things that had to be said and done.

"I don't think you should be alone with me yet," Sunstreaker muttered without looking up. "I don't want to hurt you again."

"You can't," Bluestreak said softly. "I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" Sunstreaker snapped. "You've never seen what I'm capable of, what I did earlier is nothing in comparison."

"I'm not scared of you."

"You should be," the yellow twin hissed, as he slid off the berth. His optics burned almost white with rage as he moved toward the younger mech with deadly grace. "I know what you fear, what haunts you and I could use that to destroy you before you could even think about calling for help."

"If you wanted me dead I would be," Bluestreak stated calmly. "I've known that for vorns and I don't care. My life is where it's always been, in your hands."

He couldn't help but notice the strain in Sunstreaker's movements that appeared as he spoke - his lover was trying to keep himself away from him.

"Get out of here," Sunstreaker warned.

Without flinching Bluestreak took a step closer. "No," he said defiantly.

Sunstreakers hands clenched into tight fists, "I can tear you apart."

"Do it. The door's locked, no one is coming to help me."

The yellow fist missed his face by inches and shattered a monitor close to his head. "That was your last warning."

Bluestreak caught his wrist and pulled it out of the ruined screen. He found himself rammed against the wall before anything else registered in his processor, his door-wings pinned painfully and Sunstreaker's free hand crushing the fuel lines in his throat before he could react.

His time was up. If he didn't act fast enough he was dead. If what he had planned didn't work, he was dead and if he died, nothing would be able to save Sunstreaker. These thoughts shot through his C.P.U. at a higher speed than he thought it was capable of as his own hand moved feverishly to establish the hard-line connection.

Sunstreaker's raw anger hit him like a missile and the impact would have thrown him off his feet if he hadn't been trapped, but he was ready with his own actions and flooded the link between them with his love for the mech he had chosen to spend his life with.

"I love you Sunny," he whispered. The words weren't necessary but he wanted to say them.

A few moments that seemed to last forever went by before Sunstreaker relented and sagged into his arms, letting him soothe away the wrath that threatened to devour him, cooling the anger that was on the point of burning him up and filling the void under those emotions.

"Blue, stop," Sunstreaker pleaded.

"It's alright Sunny," he whispered but the sudden waves of panic that rolled through their link made him ease off and break the connection as gently as he could. He wrapped his lover in a gentle embrace. "Talk to me Sunny, what's wrong?"

"I'm alright," the warrior said in a voice thick with static. "I didn't think you could do it and I could have hurt you so easily."

"Easy now," Bluestreak murmured feeling his lover tremble in his arms. "I knew what I was doing."

"You did. I could feel it through the uplink. You were incredible."

"Thanks." Bluestreak smiled. "Sit down Sunny," he prompted and once they were both settled on the edge of the berth he spoke again. "Do you want to tell me what happened at the end? It felt you were scared of me."

"A little," Sunstreaker admitted, "I never thought you could over-power me, I was losing myself to you and I couldn't…" he broke off to cycle air through his vents and started again. "I've wanted to bond to you for vorns, but I understand your reasons for not wanting to, so I won't ask you again. But, just now it was all I could do to stop myself."

"I know," Bluestreak said sadly as he pushed himself closer to reassure them both. "I've been feeling the same for a while and I've made my decision."

Sunstreaker looked at him questioningly.

"We can't fight what's meant to be for much longer, but I'm going to ask you to hold off for a while. Prime's mounting a mission to find new energon sources and he'll need his warriors for that, but once we have them I'm going to go into different training, become a engineer or maybe a medic, anything that'll get me off the front-line," he pulled Sunstreaker's face closer to his own so that they were optic to optic, "And once I've done that I'm bonding you."

Tender, golden fingers brushed his cheek and settled on the more sensitive cables of his neck. "You mean that?" Sunstreaker asked softly.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't," Bluestreak whispered. "You're the only mech I've ever been in love with, you've been patient and you've protected me, you know my faults but love me anyway, and more than anything else, I want to live the rest of my life with you."

The pair settled down into a comfortable embrace, completely ignorant of the rest of the world around them. Sunstreaker smiled at his young lover, nuzzled his faceplates affectionately and whispered, "Love you Blue."


	8. For the Promise of Love

**For the Promise of Love**

Once their farewells were said, Prowl had taken the lead with Jazz following docilely. Jazz didn't know where they were going and it didn't seem important. He was so far beyond exhausted that he had to try hard to care about anything. He'd come online in Prowl's arms that morning and been terrified that it wasn't real, but once that shock had worn off he had been left feeling numb.

He hadn't protested when Prowl had brought up his idea of going away for a while. He'd glanced at Bluestreak, found encouragement in the younger mech's optics and agreed with Prowl, but he couldn't say he was happy with the decision.

Prowl had noticed his lover's lack of enthusiasm, but he hadn't said anything at that point. He knew that there would be plenty of time for talk, and that he had to be gentle with Jazz and not push him too hard. He had felt Jazz's misery the last time their sparks had been in contact - when Jazz had almost joined him in the Matrix - and he wanted more than anything to take that pain away, but it had been a long time since Prowl had been naive enough to believe that such agony could be taken away quickly and easily.

As dusk drew close Prowl pulled up at the edge of a thick line of trees. "Scanners off," Prowl requested. "I want this to be a surprise."

Jazz did as he was asked and tried to look like he wanted to be there. It wasn't easy, but he knew that he had to show trust in his lover. Slowly they moved forward, it wasn't easy terrain but Prowl led him well and didn't let him stumble.

"Where are we?" Jazz asked as they walked.

"Almost at a research station Wheeljack built a few years ago. Optimus ordered it kept quiet; he didn't want it abused. You were on Titan rescuing Cosmos," Prowl explained.

"Prime sent me off-world so that I wouldn't hear about a research station?" Jazz asked, he wasn't sure if he should feel amused or mildly insulted.

"Optimus wanted to go himself, remember?" Prowl prompted with a chuckle.

"And you were the one who suggested that I go instead," Jazz realised. "You set me up!"

Prowl smiled at his lover's indignant reaction, it had been one of the reasons why he had chosen the location. "I did," Prowl admitted, "And if you bring your scanners back online you'll understand why."

"It's a beach," Jazz realised. "Wheeljack built himself a beach-hut and never told me."

"It was mostly Seaspray's idea, he roped Wheeljack in to give his request more weight," Prowl explained. "It wasn't a plot."

Jazz seemed mollified and he followed Prowl across the soft, warm sand. Apart from it's size there was nothing remarkable about the hut, nothing to identify it's purpose but as he crossed the floor his footsteps gave a tell-tale echo that told him the research facilities were below ground.

"Why here?" Jazz asked.

"Because I never liked keeping things from you, and now it's no longer in use I thought it would make a pleasant hide-away," Prowl explained.

"Sounds appropriate, " Jazz muttered in a barely audible whisper. "Last few months all I've done is hide."

"We'll work on that," Prowl assured him. "And I'm here to help, all you have to do is let me." If anything Jazz became tenser, but Prowl wasn't giving up. "Renew the bond with me Jazz."

"I don't think I'm strong enough," Jazz murmured. He hadn't wanted to admit that, but his emotional exhaustion combined with the security that he had always found in his lover's presence seemed to drag the words out of him. "What if the damage is done? If it can't be fixed then bonding could destroy us both."

"I'd rather have a moment with you in my spark than a lifetime alone. You are, and will always be, the most important mech in my life," Prowl responded without hesitation, and the sincerity in his voice soothed Jazz's troubled processor. "You know that you can trust me, don't you?"

The question caught Jazz off-guard; Prowl shouldn't have needed to ask it, but Jazz would never have denied him the answer. "I do."

Prowl rewarded his answer with a gentle kiss. "What else do you know?" he asked seriously.

"That I love you, and you love me," Jazz responded after a momentary look of confusion.

Prowl kissed him harder pressing against him and causing their core temperatures to rise slightly, "Say that again," he purred as they parted slightly.

"I love you, and you love me," Jazz repeated, more sure of himself.

The third kiss was searing and Jazz felt his spark race. "Again," Prowl demanded, his lips so close to his lover's that they brushed his as they moved.

"I love you..." the rest of his reply was lost as his engine revved at the sight of pure desire in Prowl's optics.

_It wasn't so long ago that I would have done anything to be right here, _Jazz realised, and he felt something inside him snap. He all but threw himself at his lover, Prowl staggered but kept his feet and hauled them both onto the berth.

"I love you too," Prowl murmured, clearly delighted that Jazz had regained some of his old determination and energy. "I'll always love you," his hands roamed his lover's frame desperately and their sparks called out to each other, needing to be together.

Their chest cavities opened, and Prowl felt as if he was being dragged. Jazz's spark was pulling his own in, binding them together. The experience was as glorious as ever, possibly more so after their long separation, but it was also painful. Torrents of emotion and thought blazed through the connection and Prowl fought the urge to scream as Jazz's despair ripped through him.

"_Too fast,"_Prowl wasn't even sure whose thought it was, but he knew it was true and necessary; Jazz simply wasn't emotionally stable enough to hold back the flow of pure energy that created the bond.

Jazz was faltering, Prowl realised, his lover's strength was giving out even as he pushed harder. The bond needed to be remade and nothing else mattered anymore, but it was getting harder for Jazz to focus on what he needed to do.

Prowl took control, pushed through the layers of emotion and connected the very centres of their sparks, the very cores of their beings, finding the love Jazz had always felt for him and returning it.

They were complete, they were one, but even as they revelled in the knowledge that they would share everything for the rest of their lives Jazz's consciousness began to fade.

Prowl shifted his body slightly, separated their sparks and closed the panels that protected them. "Rest now," he said softly. "I love you and I'll always be with you."

"Love you too," Jazz murmured as he slipped into recharge.

"_That's my Jazz,"_ Prowl thought as he watched his lover. He settled himself down, pulled Jazz close to him and began his own recharge cycle.

* * *

Prowl came back online to the sensation of a cool breeze swirling around his feet, automatically he reached for the berth controls to block it out and pulled Jazz closer with his other arm.

Feeling almost impossibly content Prowl settled back down, he was nearly recharging again when he realised that something wasn't right; Jazz should have been disturbed first. Jazz was closer to the hut door, usually became alert at the slightest thing, and had never liked the cold; he would tolerate it, or simply ignore it, but Jazz was a creature of warmth in every respect.

His consciousness nudged at his bond-mate's, and he became aware of the strangest of sensations; Jazz wasn't recharging, or online, he was trapped somewhere in between, caught in his own misery and fear, _so much fear,_ Prowl realised, _he's scared that this isn't real._

"_I'm here Jazz," _he sent through the bond. _"You're safe."_

Jazz seemed to recoil from the reassurances. _"So many dreams, how can I know what to believe?" _Prowl only just managed to catch the thought from the garble of Jazz's processor.

"_You can believe in me,"_ Prowl told him firmly. _"Believe in us."_

Jazz wavered, unable to take control of his emotions, grief and despair flowed through the bond in waves, and it was all Prowl could do to withstand them.

Prowl gathered himself, if Jazz couldn't help himself then he would have to fight for him. _I need to break the pattern of the dreams,_ he realised.

"_The question is; what wouldn't I do in your __dreams?"_ Prowl mused. He thought for a moment, remembered a brief conversation with Spike about human dreams; it had been an interesting, if confusing talk, another reminder of the similarities and differences between their races; Cybertronian dreams where grounded by reality, based on memories, or at least hopes and fears. Human dreams had no such constraints, they could be influenced by anything, everything or be completely random.

Spike had also mentioned something which humans often did to convince themselves they were awake. He reached out and pinched one of the more sensitive cables that joined Jazz's shoulder to his neck.

As he had hoped Jazz's thoughts sharpened immediately, focused on the unexpected pressure, and a frown crossed Jazz's handsome visage.

"You're not dreaming Jazz," Prowl said softly. "Please trust me."

Jazz's scanners hummed faintly, sweeping the hut and Prowl's frame, then tentatively his visor flickered. "I'm sorry," Jazz whispered, his vocalizer crackling with static caused by his emotional turmoil.

Prowl nuzzled him affectionately. "I never expected everything you've suffered to fade away in one night, that'll take time and we have that now."

With a slightly unconvinced look Jazz pressed himself closer to his lover, his need for reassurance practically screaming across the bond.

For the first time in hundreds of years Prowl got the sense that Jazz actually wanted to be protected, which hadn't happened since Jazz had joined the war effort, and only rarely before then.

"This is my fault," Prowl whispered. "I asked too much of you, I used your courage against you because I knew that the last thing you would do was let me down. I shouldn't have done that."

"I was the one who put you in an impossible position," Jazz protested. "I made you chose between being my lover or my commander."

"Not any more," Prowl said simply, "but I do have to ask you to forgive me."

Jazz stared at him and looked about to argue, but then realisation blazed across the bond. _"This goes deeper than words,"_he ventured and Prowl nodded gravely.

They opened their chest-cavities again, but this time there was no desperation, no passion – although the love they shared was still communicated, and Prowl was pleased to note that Jazz's spark seemed stronger than it had the day before.

Together they moved through each others memories; arguments, times when Jazz had disobeyed orders, when Prowl had been forced to put his bond-mate in dangerous situations, and each in turn was forgiven.

The seriousness of their task was occasionally punctuated by amusement; one of the few times Prowl had truly lost his temper with Jazz, after a botched mission had landed the saboteur in the med-bay, Prowl had thrown a data-pad at him when he'd been unable to find words to say how furious he was, Jazz had ducked the projectile and hit back with the contents of the energon cube he had been halfway through drinking.

"_The look on your face-plates was an absolute picture,"_ Jazz couldn't hide the fact that he still thought it was funny, and although he hadn't been amused at the time Prowl had to agree.

The last memory they came to was one of the last conversations they'd had before Prowl had spoken to Optimus about the slim chances of the shuttle mission to Earth. Jazz hadn't wanted to think about the probable outcome, he had even stalked out of their quarters at one point only to return a few minutes later looking grimmer than Prowl had ever seen him.

"_There was no other way,"_ Jazz pushed through the bond. _"It wasn't your fault."_

"_We could have run,"_ Prowl suggested. _"Stolen a shuttle and headed for the stars."_

"_You could have mentioned that at the time,"_ his lover chided him, he wasn't angry, they both knew without question that they couldn't have left their loved ones or their duties behind. It was a positive sign of how far they had come since entering the hut, only one day earlier neither of them would have felt comfortable with making such comments.

With the serious reason for their bonding taken care of, Jazz began the far more pleasurable task of mapping out Prowl's sensory net. He started slowly, gently caressing his lover's frame and easing armour panels aside to access the more sensitive wiring beneath, but after so long apart it soon became difficult to keep control of his actions, and the fact that Prowl was begging him for more through the bond only served to drive him on.

Their desire burned white-hot in their sparks, their vents heaved, their thoughts of each other passed so quickly through the bond that it became difficult to know which were whose, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered except the two sparks that were so deeply entangled in each other that they were one, complete, whole, glorious and then the overload hit them.

Slowly the haze of pleasure began to clear and Jazz recognised the familiar sounds of overworked vents and the gentle tick of cooling metal, he realised that Prowl had been right to take him away from the rest of the world, without the constant distractions he could truly focus on the most important thing in his life; the smiling, content mech who lay in his arms.

"_I love you,"_ he sent through the bond. He had said those words to his lover thousands of times in their long life together but he had never meant them more.

* * *

Days passed quickly and Prowl was pleased to see that Jazz's was as adaptable as ever. Jazz soon learned to trust the bond again, to use it to comfort himself when he felt vulnerable, and to keep his moods comparatively stable.

Prowl knew that Jazz would always be more emotional than he was, he considered it one of his lover's greatest strengths, but it wasn't without drawbacks.

They had spent a relaxing morning on the beach, walking, swimming and talking before Jazz had settled himself down to build a sandcastle and Prowl had slipped back inside the hut to get their afternoon energon. This in itself was an achievement as Jazz was still a little wary of letting Prowl out of his sight, but just before Prowl picked up the small drinking cubes he realised that he had tried too much too soon.

Through the bond Prowl felt Jazz's thoughts sharpen, they seemed to go from a haze of emotions and musings to a knife-edge of awareness in a spark-pulse, and the knife cut Prowl to the core. The explanation was simple, Jazz sensed a threat and was ready for a fight.

A moment later the sound of jet engines reached Prowl's audios, and he dashed back outside to find Jazz on his feet and scanning the skies. Three planes were barely visible on the horizon, but they were human machines, _probably on a training mission,_ Prowl surmised.

"You don't have to do that anymore," Prowl said softly as he stepped up behind Jazz. "Nothing here will hurt you."

"I've been told that before," Jazz muttered, he didn't sound scared, or angry, he was simply ready.

"The war's over Jazz," Prowl said softly.

"I know that," the Porsche retorted, possibly a little more harshly then he meant to. "I was there, remember?" the question sounded like an accusation but he couldn't help it.

"But you're still ready for a fight," Prowl said mildly. "Your guards are still up and you're still waiting for an attack."

"I put my guns away," Jazz said as he realised that he was suddenly on the defensive. _Slagging tacticians,_ he thought with a familiarity that amused him. _Centuries of war, destruction and death, and the only thing that hasn't changed is that I still can't win an argument with him. _"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Surrender," Prowl whispered, he knew that the word went against everything that Jazz had come to believe, but it had to be said. "It's time for the warrior in you to lay down his arms. He was never the mech you were supposed to be."

"I don't think there's much left of the mech I was when we first met," Jazz admitted. "He's seen too much, done too much." It seemed almost impossible for him to believe that he had once been such a carefree mech who knew nothing of war.

"We did some terrible things, didn't we?" Prowl murmured as he wrapped his lover in a protective embrace. "We destroyed, we killed, we hurt each other just to keep ourselves alive. At least I had some training, some idea of how to cope, but you, you fought just as you had lived; by instinct and reaction. I spent vorns trying to protect you because I wanted you safe, but that only made things worse didn't it? How could I ask a mech who loved so fiercely, and had so much energy, to just wait for me?"

Jazz stiffened slightly, the change was barely perceptible, but Prowl was probably the only mech that could spot it and recognise it's meaning. He alone knew how hard Jazz had fought to maintain his happy-go-lucky demeanour during a war which had brought out the worst in so many Cybertronians.

Prowl changed tactics, trying to sooth Jazz just wasn't working so he stepped away and mirrored Jazz's stance.

"What are you doing?" Jazz asked, his head tilted slightly as it often did when he was confused.

"Giving you what you want," Prowl answered. "You're ready for a fight, I'm ready to give you one."

"Don't be ridiculous," Jazz snapped. "I ain't gonna fight you."

"Worried you might lose," Prowl teased him.

"Haven't yet," Jazz retorted, and this much was true. Despite Prowl's battle computer and superior strength Jazz had never lost a match when they had sparred together; they had drawn, been interrupted or ordered to stop many times, but Prowl had never won outright.

He didn't mind, he put it down to Jazz being faster, less predictable, in some cases just plain luckier, and the fact that Jazz disinclined to fight fair made him a formidable opponent.

All these factors, and many more, made Jazz into Prowl's perfect opposite and Prowl had always appreciated their differences because it made their life together far more interesting, and with the advantage of the bond they had become far stronger than they could ever be apart.

"Maybe today," Prowl pushed.

Jazz didn't give any warning before he accepted the challenge. He struck so fast that for a moment Prowl's battle computer was pushed to it's limits, and the added distraction of his lover's graceful, agile form certainly wasn't helping any, but Prowl was determined to win this bout, it wasn't about pride; a life-time of war had left Jazz with a stubborn streak a mile wide, and while that trait was a strong survival skill, Prowl needed to show Jazz that the world wouldn't end if he surrendered.

The _friendly_ fight gave Jazz another advantage, he didn't have to put any real power behind the shots, just make contact so his speed was more use than Prowl's strength, but Prowl was no slouch, and after several minutes of trading and deflecting blows Prowl finally got the opportunity he was hoping for and kicked Jazz's legs out from underneath him.

Sand flew everywhere as the pair of black and white's wrestled on the beach. "We're both going to need a good wash when we're done," Jazz muttered as they rolled again and he came up on top. The chatter was another diversion tactic that he often employed but this time Prowl wasn't going to fall for it.

"Why wait?" he asked playfully, and he flipped them over again so that Jazz landed on his back in the shallows. As he'd hoped the shock of suddenly being in several inches of mercifully quite warm water was enough to break Jazz's concentration for a few seconds and that was all he needed.

"You're pinned," Prowl said softly. "Give it up Jazz."

Despite his visor Jazz managed to shoot an indignant glare his partner. "You cheated," he muttered as he continued to struggle.

"Are you saying that you wouldn't have done the same to me if I'd given you the chance?" Prowl asked.

"Well, no but..."

"Then don't sulk just because neither of us are playing by the rules," Prowl smiled sweetly. "Now, are you going to call it, or shall we wait until the tide comes in?"

Jazz tried hard to remember which way the water was currently flowing, and wished he had paid attention to it earlier, but the plain truth was that he had no idea, and no desire to call Prowl's bluff. "Okay," he said reluctantly, "I'm done."

Prowl smiled and rewarded his lover with a deep kiss. "Well done Jazz," he said softly. "I know that wasn't easy for you, but everything's fine, not an end of the world in sight."

Jazz chuckled at Prowl's playful tone, tried to sit up and found that he was still trapped. "Are you going to let me up now?" he asked with an edge of impatience in his voice.

"You know," Prowl mused as he gently stroked his lover's hand, "now that I've got you I think I quite like you this way. All pinned down and helpless, it's quite arousing."

"Water!" Jazz reminded his lover.

"We'll be high and dry in a few minutes," Prowl chuckled.

"You shit," Jazz swore, he didn't often use the rather vulgar human curses he had learnt in his time on Earth, but in that moment all other words escaped him.

"But you love me anyway," Prowl reminded him.

"I do," Jazz agreed. "Primus help me but I do."

They shared a kiss that was full of desire. "Maybe we should take this inside?" Prowl suggested.

He started to stand up, but as soon as his weight shifted Jazz seized his chance and rolled them both. "It's not like there's anyone within a mile of us," he pointed out. "Helpless?"

Prowl tried to move only to discover that he was now trapped as well as Jazz had been a moment earlier. "I appear to be," he admitted.

Jazz flashed his lover a smile that was nothing short of wicked. "It's been far too long since I had you all to myself," he said softly.

"You'll have plenty of that now my love," Prowl assured him. "I promise."

* * *

a/n: I seem to remember mentioning in my last post that I'd leave Prowl and Jazz to their own devices, well, this is what happens when I do. The first two parts of this update are the pieces that I wanted to write, the third is really just playing and it's been so much fun.

As far as I know this will be the last part of Treasured Times, I have no plans for anymore and the whole series is now just a few chapters off being completely finished and for future reference it fits in after Chapter 10 of For the Promise of Peace. Hope you liked it.

THanks for reading. FB.


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